#Proving Grounds XXI

[randomfoggytiger]

The Scully Family In-Depth (Part XXI): Faith, Fear, and Scully Symbiosis, Part I

The concluding scene between Scully and her mother is enlightening: not only of their past, present, and future dynamics, but also of the heretical hierarchy she unconsciously erects with her loved ones. There are "other fathers"; but there are also interceding mothers, blind believers, and advocating consciences.

ALL HOPE IS LOST

Scully is lying in bed, wrestling for composure-- swallowing, raising her signature eyebrow-- as the camera pans in, narrowing further and further in on her lost, hopeless, terrified expression. Here, she is aware that the chip has “failed”; and finally believes that death is approaching. 

When the door opens and Maggie whispers, “Dana?”, Scully turns abruptly away from the wall, a tear spilling from the corner of one eye. 

“Dr. Zuckerman called. He, uh…” her mother rambles, worried and anxious. Catching herself, she affects unaffectedness, approaching with a spring in her step and false smile on her face-- “He said that you wanted to see me?”-- which drops, quickly, when her daughter sits up without a word, visibly troubled. “What is it?”

Scully lunges towards her mother, clinging in shaking horror.

“I’m so sorry,” she wobbles, voice stained with repentance and guilt as she struggles against her fear. “I fight… and I fight and I fight, but I’ve been so stupid." Grieved and shaken, she sniffles back tears clogging her throat. 

Lost but relieved at her daughter’s openness, Maggie asks, “What is it?” with a maternal lilt to her voice. (One she might have used to unscramble a weepy confession over some minor infraction, or to unwind the logic behind a particularly challenging math problem.)  

Scully pulls back, haunted. “I’ve come so far in my life on simple faith. And now when I need it the most, I just push it away.”

While her admittance explicitly refers to her Catholic beliefs, it also explicitly applies to her partnership and her cancer journey. Scully, despite vowing she would find the answers “for her own reasons” has clung to the hope that, against all the universal laws of science, she would survive terminal brain cancer. Her journey since Memento Mori has been to embrace the fight, to refuse to give up, to insist that she can save herself with her science; or, if push comes to shove, with Mulder’s truth. She likely gave up chemo after Scanlon-- there were no chemo treatments that would cure her, as stated-- and tried immunotherapy treatments instead so she could continue to work, to find answers; and pretended nothing was wrong because everything would be made right, soon. In Elegy, her report came up clean; but she still saw Harold Spuller, which shook her conviction that science was stalling the cancer (post here.) In Gethsemane, she was given a death sentence but refused to accept it; and still did not want her brothers (or Father McCue) to be told-- because deep down, despite her grand stances and "last wishes", she didn't believe she would die (post here.) In Redux I, she escaped a sense of helplessness by working, by trying to prove Mulder right while he plundered the DOJ: she believed he, if anyone, could save her. In Redux II, she panicked when her partner asked if conventional treatment needed to be halted (post here); and was shaken when her doctor admitted the only hope she had left would have to be “unconventional.”

Mulder became her faith: while she was languishing in Scanlon’s facility, she clung to his conviction, drawing upon it to record her defeated thoughts. She used it to rise from Betsy’s deathbed, to move forward with strength, to believe, deep down, that his truth and her faith would cure her. Mulder had doubts in his abilities-- gifting her a keychain in Tempus Fugit, pointing a gun at his head (at his failures) in Demons-- but Scully never did… until Elegy, until he ripped that conviction out from under both their feet. (“The doctor said I’m fine,” she’d said, clinging to shaky ground. “I hope that’s the truth,” he’d replied, showing her there was no ground to cling to.) Scully thought she gave up in Gethsemane, but Bill exposed her to herself (post here)-- “What are you doing at work, getting knocked down? What are you trying to prove? …To this guy, Mulder?” She was trying to prove something: that she hadn’t failed, that she’d done her best. And she felt those efforts had been rewarded by his last-ditch effort to get her a cure… and it had failed. She had failed.

Here, Scully can no longer dodge, run from, or escape the reality of her death: it is before her, again, after being banished in Memento Mori; and it has defeated her (and her partner’s, and her family’s) last hope. With this in mind, she called Maggie first to admit defeat so her mother relay to Mulder, a reversal of Memento Mori’s order of operations. She would rather disappoint her mother than her partner, not after everything they'd been through that year.

Maggie listens, sympathetically and without comment, assuming her daughter will close up if she misplaces a word. 

Scully continues, becoming more fervent in her ravaging self-doubt while ripping out the cross from under her hospital gown. “I mean, why… why do I wear this?”

Her mother doesn’t respond, face softly grimacing at the brandished necklace-- possibly over its Ascension connections. At her daughter’s repeated, “Why do I wear this, Mom?”, she wisely keeps silent: the answer that contents her-- a strong belief in God-- wouldn’t, and hasn't, helped her daughter. It’s best to let emotion ride its course, and help Dana settle down afterwards. 

“I put something that I don’t even know,” Scully asserts, “or understand under the skin of my neck. I will subject myself to these crazy treatments-- and I keep telling myself that I am doing everything I can. But it’s a lie!” She stops, eyes down, sitting in torment-- a grotesque mask's mockery of happiness-- waiting for her mother to say something, anything. 

Maggie doesn’t doubt her daughter: “You have not lost your faith, Dana.”

And Scully hasn’t; but her self doubt is overwhelming her, is providing proof of her inadequacies with each new medical report-- with the final medical report-- and laughing her to scorn.

“I have,” Scully insists, before correcting herself, “in a way. When you, when you asked Father McCue to dinner to minister to my faith, I just closed off to him.” 

I’ve discussed before that Melissa Scully acted as the voice of Scully’s conscience (posts here, here, here), and literally as her voice in One Breath. However, this scene in Redux II illustrates the importance of her dynamic with Maggie Scully: her mother acts as Scully’s confessor, just as her father acted as her god. Although Scully took the life of a snake as a little girl, it was Maggie who recalled the story-- in detail so specific that she only could have gotten it directly from Scully. It was Maggie who helped absolve her guilt in The Blessing Way and Wetwired. And most importantly, it was Maggie who patched together Captain Scully and their daughter's relationship; and Maggie who Scully turned to for guidance and reassurance at his funeral (Beyond the Sea) and on her deathbed (Redux II.) 

But why? Bill Scully and Melissa didn’t have that relationship with Maggie; and we can assume Charlie falls in the same lines. Yet for Scully, the sun seems to rise and fall on the opinion of her parents. Maggie herself is constantly trying to point Dana to her own path, aware she has no answers that would truly satisfy her daughter: “he was your father” and “you haven’t lost your faith” are truths that she believes are the key to these complicated questions; but knows are not enough, yet. 

We see this near deification stems back to Scully’s relationship with her father and extends outward to “other fathers.” But that’s not the whole truth: for every god there is an intermediary; for every Captain there is a wife who gives him “the look” after their daughter’s Christmas dinner (post here.) And for every god and intermediary there is a true believer. And even further, for every true believer there is a conscience that puts into words the deep mysteries of the heart. 

And while Scully pedestalized her loved ones-- asking for their opinion on her FBI recruitment, asking for their forgiveness-- then duplicated these structures into other areas of her life-- be it as a disciple of Daniel Waterston's or as an intermediary confessor to (and true believer in) her partner-- her own pedestalized idols pushed back against or regretted their daises. Her father was a man who loved but forgot to translate that love into words, her mother is a woman reliant on her daughter’s strength, her sister was a woman who loved loudly and often overstepped, and her partner is a man who believes deeply in everyone but himself. These people are aware of their faults and voice them constantly to Scully; but she can’t-- or won’t-- see them because she is too afraid to accept their humanity and strike out completely on her own… not until all things, that is. 

(Another interesting note: Redux II will later subtly hammer home the “other fathers” connection to Mulder via this convoluted dynamic Scully keeps perpetuating.)

Maggie tightens her mouth, battling relief and bittersweet hope at this confession. Faith in God has lent her strength, and she believes it will give her daughter strength, too. Further, she believes her daughter has been suppressing and choking on denial since the cancer diagnosis; and, while happy Dana is sharing this burden, that joy is marred by the circumstances. 

To soothe her own emotions, she begins to put her daughter 'back together'-- a habit Scully seems to have adopted, in adulthood, with her partner. Maggie schools her emotions as best she can while patting her daughter’s hair, delicately combing loose strands back into shape, and smoothing out imaginary wrinkles on her shoulder. “What’s important now,” she mothers, gently but firmly, “is that you save your energy.”

Scully’s face loses its frenetic spark, sinking into hopeless depression. Her mouth is slick with saliva, and her eyes are filling with unshed tears. 

This is the real reason she called her mother: “I’m not getting any better, Mom.”

Instantly, the true nature of Maggie’s feelings bubble to the surface: “You don’t know that yet,” she pleads, trying to bargain away her daughter’s finality with a smile and exaggerated head tilt-- a gesture she used, perhaps, when little Dana was distraught or hopeless. Still, her smile fades as Scully's tears continue to well up. 

“The PET scan showed no improvement,” Scully confirms, looking up and down to hide from her own and her mother’s pain. 

Maggie is crushed, her mouth beginning to warble uncontrollably-- so uncontrollably that Scully's own chin begins to pebble.  

Seeing her daughter's distress, Maggie surges forward to hug them together, knowing her child well enough to intuit that emotions are better relieved in privacy. 

CONCLUSION

More Scully symbiosis thoughts to come.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[santoschristos]

The Hagalaz Runa manifestation period starts today October 28 and ends on November 13.

Hagalaz- (Power, Alert, Destruction, Breaking, Hail)

The Hagalaz Runa or also called Hagal, Haegl, Hagl is the Runa of Break, Destruction, destruction meant as end and rebirth, a concept that ties well to energies that, at this moment, that is Samhain, close into an annual cycle that ends and then reborn into a new one. Hagalaz is therefore a Runa that is associated with renewal, and to a destructive but also regenerative force which is that of Hailine, Hailine that in its impetus destroys but once dissolved, penetrates into the ground ensuring that life continues.

So the Rruna Hagalaz can be interpreted as a monk working in our subconscious to warn us that it’s time to produce a bitter but necessary change. A change from past history, problems unsolved and lessons never learned. Hagal teaches us that it’s time to face problems and recognize them, so that we don’t find ourselves unprepared for sudden events and find the strength to keep going.

Life is a constant series of changes. Settling into a conservative attitude can only bring dissatisfaction and suffering.

Hagalz advises that we accept all the news it can offer, positive or negative, happy or painful, because every emotion, every state of mind in one way or another teaches us something, it teaches us something that will then prove useful in order to make us stronger.

Divination

Hagalaz is therefore the Runa of changes both positive and negative, it always maintains the same meaning whether it goes straight or upside down.

His interpretation always refers to the moment he’s living: perhaps happy because he’s about to start a married life, perhaps painful because of the loss of a loved one or because he’s going through a crisis.

But the meaning, the message of the Hagalaz Runa also depends on the message of the other Runes, (although, divination is not done with one Runa.

Regardless of the positivity of the prospective change, Hagalaz tells us that we will feel uncomfortable: we will experience anxiety, fear and distrust. Abandoning the familiar in order to venture into something new is always a source of unease.

Hagalaz also reminds us that the secret of success lies in perseverance and that, in the end, it will be rewarded.

It also conveys a positive outlook on life: bad experiences don’t have to scare or make you doubt the future, abilities and goodness of people, both those they already know and those they will meet continuing the path that opens in front of them.

Regarding love: Hagalaz tells us that we are living in a difficult time, it’s possible that, in fear of not reaching the happiness one seeks, he avoids remedy his dissatisfaction and tries to mitigate anxiety by indulging his passions.

Not a solution that will solve the problem. Hagalaz recommends thinking before continuing down this road.

Regarding Labor, LA Runa Hagalaz tells us that what we’re living is a moment that requires many sacrifices. Work can be hard or maybe the circumstances in which it unfolds. Hagalaz advises you to persevere, but never lose sight of your goals.

While on Health: Hagalaz tells us that, as we are going through a period of crisis, anxiety can negatively affect our health. Therefore, it will be good to give yourself breaks and find free time to cultivate your passions or confide in loved ones.

Correspondence

Syllabus : h

Divinity: Associated with Nifheim, the world of fog and ice.

Tree: Frassino / Tasso

Herb : Mughetto

Crystal : Onyx

Color: Light Blue

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius, period from November 23 to December 7.

Animal: Swan Tarotch: XXI major arcano - The World

Astrology: Sun in Aquarius / Moon in fifth house / Planet Uranus

I Ching: 51st Exagram, Chên - The Thrill (The Shake, The Thunder)

Sources

Runica

paths of light

runemal - the book of the runes

the magic of the runes

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“The coward does it with the hangman close of”)

A cinquain sequence

               I

Changing to rain. The coward does it with the hangman close of love, all my wooing is done.

               II

Perhaps his horse are doing! They think a murderer’s collar take his last look wanton-wise.

               III

The clocks stopped clock. The moon is bright in Autumn’s sky, and thence full many wanton thru the floor.

               IV

And cleanse his soul from Sin? Truth fails not; but her last word—’Oh. Quickened his step seemed light and Day?

               V

Is shining fronts, their uniforms were still. Whoever in Love’s fire that thou wilt be my ain.

               VI

So that was. Copartner of the sweet, than when flowers: but the only word I understood.

               VII

He that moment’s store five years of blood the whitewashed wall that he had to swing. Good Susan Gale.

               VIII

At the fire? Which Betty will not love’s fingers, and sorrows more than the sun did shine so cold.

               IX

By a doubtful spirit- voice, in that was all. And far, I am happy where you aren’t.

               X

All, or all away. Two lines of wake behind it on the lot of life in a new rhythm.

               XI

Hither the least one thieving thoughts will enter, healthy as tragedy. But she could them vphold.

               XII

With the autumn weather compelled my imaginary. Sing lullaby. And cleansed the Ground.

               XIII

Come bring young charms, which needes both use and art. Make accompt, unless your laughter, that I love.

               XIV

I wanna be your dreams to shame. Even the feature is a fresh and love comes back again.

               XV

I was passed in happy freedom by. Do thee shame, nor avarice, nor over- anxious care.

               XVI

With the Wound of our own mouths calling, Oh. Like two doomed ships that passed in happy freedom by.

               XVII

In happy freedom by.— Thus answered Johnny in his pocket bring it home.—Oh God forbid!

               XVIII

I never shed before eleven. Some faire booke doth find, with gilded girl who’s always was.

               XIX

She sits, between a bag of almost-stale croissants clenched in your hair. And around us lie?

               XX

Sun and moon builds its tower sisyphean project like a bee. Cry, Speak once more— thou lovest!

               XXI

If charmed verse or muttered prayers had power, with the windy sigh: the man had killed the door.

               XXII

The wind blows the rain.—As it were the dead. Her look out-flourish’d May: and having buried day.

               XXIII

Good of the swollen purple throat may think, the rein to give? My soul with sails of silver by.

               XXIV

They soundly slept the vow? Me—toll the silver by. Sought, a dream remember: the little girl?

               XXV

Does Man touch with grief they are, emblems mix with words that cruel father! Proving what I can give?

               XXVI

My life melts with too much thinking; thinke no more. The Shepherds as to Kings. He went back to look.

               XXVII

With sudden shock the prisoners’ cots and we have built our wall. Such valid reason no one there.

               XXVIII

It chanced your name to see. She’d seen the bed to what it touches. Says Betty, he’ll be spice.

               XXIX

And all that heard her cry, and the lampless Earth in which her idiot boy. Upon the air!

               XXX

And this sweet breath more sweet; but I never bleach. To join the living thing, of Johnny’s glory.

               XXXI

With open mouth he drank the sunlight not fooles in my own. Say thou dost love Truth and me.

               XXXII

I want to grow old and grey. The down, and should be, like life and fear, a dark reality.

               XXXIII

Like the Body and that he had quit, and through the wood. And the meadows in which were unjust.

               XXXIV

Is my Mother’s pocketbook. And, grumbling, cold, in thine armes, if learnd fame truth so foul a lie!

               XXXV

The first sight, as she wrought! Ah foolish tear, unlink’d with me. For the mountains high; such thy bloom!

               XXXVI

She hardly spare, unworthy things of Dove, a maid whom there was a theft. To thee, Cynara!

               XXXVII

I’ll tell me, Love within a mile, no hand to write in the dark. And under the mother’s face.

               XXXVIII

No more I know, I wish is understand. Haste, precious friend, and I sigh one another kiss.

               XXXIX

Stella, I say my Stella, should do long. If he is hurt in life or limb—oh God forbid!

               XL

Sometimes these cogitations still as a bar of iron. And Johnny do, I pray you do.

               XLI

And wondered why men knelt to pray who never will be out of prison walls suddenly seemed.

[theprovinggrounds-blog]

The Proving Grounds XXI Promo

Citizens of Eorzea! Rejoice for the Proving Grounds have returned once again! Will we see a our first Rosewood dagger champion or will we see a new contender taking the win as we continue our search for our first champion of this brave new era! Our first fight sees the first of our dagger winners, Kindoron Tumet, facing off against the beautiful and deadly Eigengrau Hatasashi! We’ll see if beauty out does brawn or if might (and maybe a good bit of ego to boot) will take the win for the round! The next fight we see our second contender for champion and the winner of our last games, Rothgar Gunnarsvard facing the feral and furious fighter of the De’uden’s. Will we see Rothgar move on to make a run for his second dagger or will the untamed miqo’te surprise us all and make a play for his first win! After that we see our reigning queen of the sands Bremwyda Abylnpfefwyb facing off against the shining son of the sun from the Steppes, Kojhin Oronir! Will our verbose queen put the little sun in his place, or will Kojhin prove just how bright he can shine!

Finally, back from her long hiatus we have the self proclaimed sultana of the sapphire markets, Delesta Dorel, facing off against her one time patron, Arden Tide. Will the fiery redhead show the old man a thing or two about fighting on the sands or will Arden show Delesta he’s still got his own fire! We have a spectacular show laid out before us and it proves to be an exciting time for all involved! And there might just be a special surprise to keep the bloodshed going! Come join us ((Saturday, March 23th at 8 PM EDT / 5 PM PDT)) in the 1st Ward of the Goblet, South of the Brimming heart!

[liliesoftherain]

Masterlist

All works are my own, all rights reserved. Re-posting, modifying, copying, or translating(without proper permission), is not allowed. Don’t Plagiarize, just ask if you want to do something, have an idea, just ask. (picture found on google and edited, unsure of source, if you know base image let me know I’ll gladly give credit) Enjoy reading! 

Updated: Feb 19th, 2021

xReader 

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Katsuki Bakugou!:

i. My Hero Academia Main 3 Boys x Reader Masterlist:  You're finally getting to attend the school of your dreams, meeting great people along the way. You're ready to prove to everyone you have what it takes to become a pro hero. You're not looking for any love, but when does that stop it from finding you on it's own? Reader insert centered around 3 main boys, Todoroki, Bakugou, and Midoriya.

ii. A Knight’s Honor Masterlist: You’re a female squire, the only female training to be a Knight. You are not willing to give up your dreams of Knighthood to become a slave to society to save face. No matter what anyone says, you’ll prove them wrong. You’ll show him who he’s messing with.  !ON HIATUS!

iii. Bomber Jacket: Who knew that old bomber jacket of his would lead to this.

iv. “You’re cute when you’re angry”: Request, Prompt 53: “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

v. Something Witchy is going on: Request, Witch Quirk, Prompt 30: “It was you the whole time.”

vi. Something Witchy is Going on II Request, Witch Quirk, Prompts 25. “I got you a present” 41. “Why choose me?”

vii. Undrunk: Request, Older!Au, Prompts 32: “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” 30."It was you the whole time."

viii. Curly Hair is Captivating  Request, Bakugou won’t ever admit it but there’s something about you and that hair that drew him in

ix. Second Chances Masterlist: Request, When he watches you marry someone else, he knew he screwed up all those years ago. If only there was something he could do to get you back, if only there was a way... to have a second chance at being yours.

x. Thiccer than a Snicker Request, you may have a great body but that doesn’t mean you’re confident in showing it off, so you hide it. Your boyfriend lets you know that he doesn’t care either way what you wear

xi. For the Love of a Daughter Request, Bakugou loves your guys’ daughter beyond belief, and he never wants to see her hurt. Ever. But when push comes to shove, he’s left remembering every moment he’s ever cried.

xii. No Biggie Request, you’re just too chill and Bakugou is not. He freaks out, and you learned how to shut him up. 

xiii. No Biggie Part 2 Request, some headcanons for the dramatic katsuki and his nonchalant partner

xiv. What a Daddy’s Girl Request, this was just a regular morning for your family, with the fussing and glares; your little girl was way too much like her daddy. You loved them both anyway

xv. Who said pickup lines don’t work? Request, Prompts 52. “Can I kiss you right now?” 58. “Are you flirting with me?”

xvi. Say Uncle! Eijirou surely didn’t expect this when coming over to your place for dinner.

xvii. Still Remember-Bakugou POV Request, Part 2 of Still Remember, You still remember how it all happened, and so does Bakugou.

xviii. Ocean Eyes, or Something More? Pirate!AU, Commodore(officer)!Bakugou, Pirate!Fem!Reader, nothing will ever beat the view of your ocean blue, but why do his ruby eyes captivate you so?

xix. Persever Though Forsaken Soulmate!AU, you didn’t want your soulmate--did’t belive that there was such thing as a perfect match and it sucks because yours has been by your side for years

xx. Ground Zero Reads Thirst Tweets Collab, you and Katsuki are both Pro-Heroes, brought onto a film set to read some thirst tweets

xxi. YouTube Challenge! Request, youtube couple relationship, youtube couple challenges, prompts 18. “Have you lost your damn mind?” 43. “Why don’t you kiss me already?” 58. “Are you flirting with me?”

xxii. The Barbarian King Request, Katsuki want to marry you and the only issue? He has to beat you in a fight for you to even think about accpeting his hand

xxiii. It’s an Ordering in Kind of Night Request, Dad!Bakugou, Mom!Reader, bakugou and his brat have cute father/daughter bonding moment--to bad it went south as soon as you walked in, prompt 31 "This is why we can't have nice things"

xxiv. You Got That Right Request, cute cuddles with your boyfriend lead to more than you ever thought, prompts 21. “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” 47. “Will you marry me?”

xxv. At What Cost? Sparked from a theory youtube video where it says Bakugou is the second holder of OFA, you were a hero... but at what cost?

xxvi. Trust Fall Maybe you took your trust fall exercise a little too far, but at least he didn’t let you fall

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Shoto Todoroki!:

i. Unsettling News: Request, Pro Hero AU!, Prompts 34: ”I feel like I can’t breathe.” 48: ”I’m pregnant.”

ii. Jealous Much?: Request, Prompts 20: “Wait a minute… Are you jealous?” 58: “Are you flirting with me?”  

iii. “I want an answer goddammit!”: Request, Pro Hero AU!, HC, Prompt 29: “I want an answer goddammit!”

iv.  My Hero Academia Main 3 Boys x Reader Masterlist: You're finally getting to attend the school of your dreams, meeting great people along the way. You're ready to prove to everyone you have what it takes to become a pro hero. You're not looking for any love, but when does that stop it from finding you on it's own? Reader insert centered around 3 main boys, Todoroki, Bakugou, and Midoriya.

v. Second Chances Masterlist: Request, When he watches you marry someone else, he knew he screwed up all those years ago. If only there was something he could do to get you back, if only there was a way... to have a second chance at being yours.

vi. Ice Skating Drabble: Request, ice skating scenario with shy s/o

vii.  YouTube Challenge! Request, youtube couple relationship, youtube couple challenges, Prompts 18. “Have you lost your damn mind?” 43. “Why don’t you kiss me already?” 58. “Are you flirting with me?”

vii. Selfish Request, you both want to be selfish, Prompts 1. “Is it possible to love too much?” 33. “I might never get another chance to say this.”

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Izuku Midoriya!:

i. I’m Home: Request, Pro Hero AU!, Prompts  36. “Here. You can have it back.” 52. “Can I kiss you right now?” 54. “We’d make such a cute couple.” 59. “Is that my shirt?”

ii. I’m Obsessed Based on the song ‘Fangs’ by Matt Champion. Izuku contemplates you and recalls the moment he fell in love.

iii. I’m Obsessed Part 2: Request, second part to ‘I’m Obsessed’, can be read alone, Prompt 52: “Can I kiss you right now?”

iv.  My Hero Academia Main 3 Boys x Reader Masterlist: You're finally getting to attend the school of your dreams, meeting great people along the way. You're ready to prove to everyone you have what it takes to become a pro hero. You're not looking for any love, but when does that stop it from finding you on it's own? Reader insert centered around 3 main boys, Todoroki, Bakugou, and Midoriya.

v.  Bittersweet Findings, in that Order Part 1: Request, prompt 20. “Wait a minute... Are you jealous?”

vi. Bittersweet Findings, in that Order Part 2: Request, prompt 20. “Wait a minute... Are you jealous?” 

vii. It’s Deku! Request, you’re a single mother raising twin boys, let’s see how that trip to the mall goes.

viii. Second Chances Masterlist: Request, When he watches you marry someone else, he knew he screwed up all those years ago. If only there was something he could do to get you back, if only there was a way... to have a second chance at being yours. 

ix. All in the Name of Pranks Request, Prompts 23. “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while...” 24.”I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

x. Ice Skating Drabble: Request, ice skating scenario with shy s/o

xi. Not Stories After All Mermaid!Au, Adventure!Izuku, Mermaid!Reader, all Izuku wants to do is sketch and take note of the beautiful area around him--he didn’t expect to meet you 

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Denki Kaminari!:

i. “It’s not what it looks like...”: Request, HC, Prompt 26: “It’s not what it looks like...”

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Eijiro Kirishima!:

i. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”: Request, Prompt 53: “You’re cute when you’re angry”

ii. Never be the Same: Request, Prompts 4. “Look at me-just breath, okay?” 57. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

iii. Get Fuc-Cleated: Request, Kirishima fawns over his cute soccer player of a girlfriend, only to watch you get hurt during a game

iv.  YouTube Challenge! Request, youtube couple relationship, youtube couple challenges, Prompts 18. “Have you lost your damn mind?” 43. “Why don’t you kiss me already?” 58. “Are you flirting with me?”

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Hitoshi Shinsou!:

i. TikTok Queen Materlist: Social Media AU! You’re a normal barista but your heart longs for the title of the queen of TikTok. You post cutesy latte art that has given your channel a lot of followers over the years, but your roommate and friends have long since surpassed you and you are desperate to fix the gap. When your over energetic Tik Tok star of a friend offers you his help, you jump at the chance. Who knew that the challenge you did would get you THIS much attention-and why do you now have an bad boy who is no good for your health trying to force his way into your life? !ON HIATUS!

ii. A Little Lesson Request, Prompt 27. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

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Dabi!:

i.  “I want an answer goddammit!”: Request, HC, Prompt 29: “I want an answer goddammit!”

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Shouta Aizawa!: 

i. Let it Out Request, HC, Prompt 4. “Look at me-just breathe, okay?” 

ii. His Kids Request, Dad!Aizawa, Daughter!Reader, father/daughter fluff, Aizawa takes you to school to meet the other kids he babysits all day

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Tenya Iida!:

i. Still Remember You still remember how it all happened, discord collab

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[chiefbelieverstarlight]

“The Garden of Janus”

I The cloud my bed is tinged with blood and foam. The vault yet blazes with the sun Writhing above the West, brave hippodrome Whose gladiators shock and shun As the blue night devours them, crested comb Of sleep's dead sea That eats the shores of life, rings round eternity! II So, he is gone whose giant sword shed flame Into my bowels; my blood's bewitched; My brain's afloat with ecstasy of shame. That tearing pain is gone, enriched By his life-spasm; but he being gone, the same Myself is gone Sucked by the dragon down below death's horizon. III I woke from this. I lay upon the lawn; They had thrown roses on the moss With all their thorns; we came there at the dawn, My lord and I; God sailed across The sky in's galleon of amber, drawn By singing winds While we wove garlands of the flowers of our minds. IV All day my lover deigned to murder me, Linking his kisses in a chain About my neck; demon-embroidery! Bruises like far-ff mountains stain The valley of my body of ivory! Then last came sleep. I wake, and he is gone; what should I do but weep? V Nay, for I wept enough --- more sacred tears! --- When first he pinned me, gripped My flesh, and as a stallion that rears, Sprang, hero-thewed and satyr-lipped; Crushed, as a grape between his teeth, my fears; Sucked out my life And stamped me with the shame, the monstrous word of wife. VI I will not weep; nay, I will follow him Perchance he is not far, Bathing his limbs in some delicious dim Depth, where the evening star May kiss his mouth, or by the black sky's rim He makes his prayer To the great serpent that is coiled in rapture there. VII I rose to seek him. First my footsteps faint Pressed the starred moss; but soon I wandered, like some sweet sequestered saint, Into the wood, my mind. The moon Was staggered by the trees; with fierce constraint Hardly one ray Pierced to the ragged earth about their roots that lay. VIII I wandered, crying on my Lord. I wandered Eagerly seeking everywhere. The stories of life that on my lips he squandered Grew into shrill cries of despair, Until the dryads frightened and dumfoundered Fled into space --- Like to a demon-king's was grown my maiden face! XI At last I came unto the well, my soul In that still glass, I saw no sign Of him, and yet --- what visions there uproll To cloud that mirror-soul of mine? Above my head there screams a flying scroll Whose word burnt through My being as when stars drop in black disastrous dew. X For in that scroll was written how the globe Of space became; of how the light Broke in that space and wrapped it in a robe Of glory; of how One most white Withdrew that Whole, and hid it in the lobe Of his right Ear, So that the Universe one dewdrop did appear. IX Yea! and the end revealed a word, a spell, An incantation, a device Whereby the Eye of the Most Terrible Wakes from its wilderness of ice To flame, whereby the very core of hell Bursts from its rind, Sweeping the world away into the blank of mind. XII So then I saw my fault; I plunged within The well, and brake the images That I had made, as I must make - Men spin The webs that snare them - while the knee Bend to the tyrant God - or unto Sin The lecher sunder! Ah! came that undulant light from over or from under? XIII It matters not. Come, change! come, Woe! Come, mask! Drive Light, Life, Love into the deep! In vain we labour at the loathsome task Not knowing if we wake or sleep; But in the end we lift the plumed casque Of the dead warrior; Find no chaste corpse therein, but a soft-smiling whore. XIV Then I returned into myself, and took All in my arms, God's universe: Crushed its black juice out, while His anger shook His dumbness pregnant with a curse. I made me ink, and in a little book I wrote one word That God himself, the adder of Thought, had never heard. XV It detonated. Nature, God, mankind Like sulphur, nitre, charcoal, once Blended, in one annihilation blind Were rent into a myriad of suns. Yea! all the mighty fabric of a Mind Stood in the abyss, Belching a Law for "That" more awful than for "This." XVI Vain was the toil. So then I left the wood And came unto the still black sea, That oily monster of beatitude! ('Hath "Thee" for "Me," and "Me" for "Thee!") There as I stood, a mask of solitude Hiding a face Wried as a satyr's, rolled that ocean into space. XVII Then did I build an altar on the shore Of oyster-shells, and ringed it round With star-fish. Thither a green flame I bore Of phosphor foam, and strewed the ground With dew-drops, children of my wand, whose core Was trembling steel Electric that made spin the universal Wheel. XVIII With that a goat came running from the cave That lurked below the tall white cliff. Thy name! cried I. The answer that gave Was but one tempest-whisper - "If!" Ah, then! his tongue to his black palate clave; For on soul's curtain Is written this one certainty that naught is certain! XIX So then I caught that goat up in a kiss. And cried Io Pan! Io Pan! Io Pan! Then all this body's wealth of ambergris, (Narcissus-scented flesh of man!) I burnt before him in the sacrifice; For he was sure - Being the Doubt of Things, the one thing to endure! XX Wherefore, when madness took him at the end, He, doubt-goat, slew the goat of doubt; And that which inward did for ever tend Came at the last to have come out; And I who had the World and God to friend Found all three foes! Drowned in that sea of changes, vacancies, and woes! XXI Yet all that Sea was swallowed up therein; So they were not, and it was not. As who should sweat his soul out through the skin And find (sad fool!) he had begot All that without him that he had left in, And in himself All he had taken out thereof, a mocking elf! XXII But now that all was gone, great Pan appeared. Him then I strove to woo, to win, Kissing his curled lips, playing with his beard, Setting his brain a-shake, a-spin, By that strong wand, and muttering of the weird That only I Knew of all souls alive or dead beneath the sky. XXIII So still I conquered, and the vision passed. Yet still was beaten, for I knew Myself was He, Himself, the first and last; And as an unicorn drinks dew From under oak-leaves, so my strength was cast Into the mire; For all I did was dream, and all I dreamt desire. XXIV More; in this journey I had clean forgotten The quest, my lover. But the tomb Of all these thoughts, the rancid and the rotten, Proved in the end to be my womb Wherein my Lord and lover had begotten A little child To drive me, laughing lion, into the wanton wild! XXV This child hath not one hair upon his head, But he hath wings instead of ears. No eyes hath he, but all his light is shed Within him on the ordered sphere Of nature that he hideth; and in stead Of mouth he hath One minute point of jet; silence, the lightning path! XXVI Also his nostrils are shut up; for he Hath not the need of any breath; Nor can the curtain of eternity Cover that head with life or death. So all his body, a slim almond-tree, Knoweth no bough Nor branch nor twig nor bud, from never until now. XXVII This thought I bred within my bowels, I am. I am in him, as he in me; And like a satyr ravishing a lamb So either seems, or as the sea Swallows the whale that swallows it, the ram Beats its own head Upon the city walls, that fall as it falls dead. XXVIII Come, let me back unto the lilied lawn! Pile me the roses and the thorns, Upon this bed from which he hath withdrawn! He may return. A million morns May follow that first dire daemonic dawn When he did split My spirit with his lightnings and enveloped it! XXIX So I am stretched out naked to the knife, My whole soul twitching with the stress Of the expected yet surprising strife, A martyrdom of blessedness. Though Death came, I could kiss him into life; Though Life came, I Could kiss him into death, and yet nor live nor die! XXX Yet I that am the babe, the sire, the dam, Am also none of these at all; For now that cosmic chaos of I AM Bursts like a bubble. Mystical The night comes down, a soaring wedge of flame Woven therein To be a sign to them who yet have never been. XXXI The universe I measured with my rod. The blacks were balanced with the whites; Satan dropped down even as up soared God; Whores prayed and danced with anchorites. So in my book the even matched the odd: No word I wrote Therein, but sealed it with the signet of the goat. XXXII This also I seal up. Read thou herein Whose eyes are blind! Thou may'st behold Within the wheel (that alway seems to spin All ways) a point of static gold. Then may'st thou out therewith, and fit it in That extreme sphere Whose boundless farness makes it infinitely near.

-- Aleister Crowley

[courtorderedcake]

Hallow : ch  xxi - CSSNS 2019

“The Goblin King was prepared to host the Darkness, stealing Fae women away to their corrupted lands underneath the ground as concubines. The Darkness chose another in his stead, but not before this selected vessel enacted a devastating attack in its vengeance, revealing its hatred & rage. The battle was a lesson the old kings had forgotten; never underestimate an opponent.

Many more lives were lost as they razed over any who dared defy The Goblin King’s will. Only the pure love of our rulers united in matrimony, breaking the Vorpal Dagger, sealed the darkness and the Goblin menace away. The light flourished under their fair rule, and the queen bore a child as pure as moon beams, swan feathers, and starlight. They lived happily ever after, and shall be written in history as Heroes for All Time.”

This is the history Princess Emma memorizes from the day she is born, paraded about and presented only with the highest protection. The palace is a cage she wishes to escape, desperately. Not careful what wishes she made, Emma discovers history is written by the victors - The Dark One has an entirely different version of the events that took place.

Read on AO3 here.

Rated E for explicit themes, Mature situations, and Fae fuckery.

Written for @cssns

Ch / ?? - In which Pandora's one gift is given.

Sand poured down on Emma, her head spinning and wind knocked from her lungs from the fall to the cave’s floor. They were bathed in darkness now, the light of day Killian had disappeared into blotted out as she struggled to stand. Jasmine yelled from somewhere on her left, or somewhere on what could be her left, and Aladdin was groaning painfully somewhere that seemed to be below her. 

It became harder to walk as more sand poured over her, anger and fear joined with grief, the unexpected stumble making her fall forward into the shifting grains. 

He was gone. 

She remembered everything. 

And he was gone . 

Emma screamed, letting her lungs work through their disuse and abuse in one long banshee chord, her fury rising in her veins. Kindling sparked, embers lit into a broad fan of flame that seemed to burn her alive. Magic exploded around her, bursting forth to bring the caves into a brilliant daylight that cast off the dark walls. Sand swirled around her in an elegant arc, up to the cave’s tall ceilings as it solidified into glass pillars, everything falling away at once to only the sound of her ragged cries. 

Pushing herself to press against the walls of whatever enchantment covered the cave, Emma attempted to pull herself outside of the cavern, but could not. She cursed in frustration, tears pricking at her eyes. 

“Emma, Princess, I am so sorry.” Aladdin approached cautiously, Emma’s head snapping up to stare at him. “I tried, I tried to -" 

"Don’t you dare talk to her!” Jasmine hissed, moving in from another direction, over a large slope of sand. “You said you loved me, then you tried to murder me, and you think you have any right to apologize to anyone?" 

"Jasmine, it’s not like that! I didn’t - I had no choice! I tried to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t -” 

"Bullshit!” Jasmine screamed. “You knew my magic was weak, I told you how my mother died from this burden, you knew that I was absolutely terrified while I played these noble intrigues to curry favor, you knew my fears and you ran to my enemy to tell him every one of my vulnerabilities -" 

"Stop it! Stop, just stop it!” Emma yelled, scrubbing at her face. She stood shakily, moving around the glass pillar she had made. Her hands shook, the feeling of being drenched in power overwhelming. “I need to - We all need to get out of here, so help me find a way out or get out of my way, but stop wasting time!" 

Her attempts to magic herself and them out of the cave useless; Jasmine jumped back slightly at the burst of magic that escaped Emma, the blast knocking Aladdin off his feet. 

He let out a rough groan, sitting up to look at Jasmine with a look of longing Emma recognized. It hurt to even acknowledge. All she wanted was Killian, and what if he wasn’t safe, if they actually killed him or made the Darkness worse? He had kissed her goodbye again, chosen for her again after everything they had gone through. She knew that they could beat the Darkness if he could just trust her, if he could just let her love him, and love her in return. 

And now… And now —

Her brain raced as they dug through the leftover sand on the floor. If she had to count every last particle of sand in the desert, she would just to have him hold her again. There was so much, so much she hadn’t said; so much they had only dreamt of together, so many times she had wanted his touch but without understanding why . Only to have him leave her again. 

"Look, look at this!” Aladdin was pointing to a crevice in the ground, broken apart by glass. Below it, a light shimmered in the form of a torch, intricately carved stairs curving down into the bowels of the cavern. Resting on a stair, glinting like starlight, was the shard on its broken chain. Killian had fought for her. He believed that this was fighting for them; no matter how wrong it was, he was trying. He was fighting in the only way he knew with the Darkness in him, and was willing to be torn to pieces for it. Her thoughts were so selfish and naive compared to his. 

Carefully climbing down the thick glass, she picked up the shard. Peering down the torchlit corridor of steps that led down further, Emma tied up her skirts and began to move downwards. None of them spoke, Jasmine staying close as Aladdin trailed behind with pining glances and a skittish pace. 

They all came to a halt at a door, clearly enchanted by ancient magic. A flowing language Emma could only recognize part of was written in the stone. 

“A heart that lies craves the answer that allows entrance?” Emma asked, tracing the words. 

“It wants truth. It says, ‘the answer is what the heart that is fed on untruths desires’, that only this will open the door. That’s what a dishonest heart craves the most, the truth to combat its lies,” Jasmine sighed. “So, truths… alright.”

Stepping in front of the door, Jasmine looked over to where Emma and Aladdin stood before looking back, clearing her throat. 

“My truth is this: I never wanted to rule. My mother died saving Agrabah from a great cataclysm, which was to be my fate until she saw it. She sacrificed herself for me only to have me turn out to be only mildly clairvoyant. Grandfather locked himself away from us to hide here. After my father was killed, I took over out of necessity. This future is - It’s nothing as my mother described. It’s empty. It’s lonely.”

“I miss not having to constantly search the future for what is coming, I miss talking to my parents, I miss having friends or loved ones I could trust, I miss singing with my birds, and I miss…” Jasmine turned to look at Aladdin. “I told you everything about myself, showed you my world while you promised me that you would do the same. Why did you pretend to care about me? Why did you lie to me at every turn? I don’t want to miss you, and I hate that I let myself ever allow you to know anything about me." 

The door shook, grinding open slightly. 

"You aren’t innocent here either, Jasmine!” Aladdin hissed. “If you want truth, start there. You recognize me like this. You know who I am, and how your father let the guards tie me to that post for days, all because I stole a loaf of bread. You know that I was taken in again for stealing a melon, receiving lashes. You knew they called me a street rat, that I was an orphan deemed to be better on the streets than in a home. All the while, you looked right past me, as if I didn’t exist. I never expected you to ever see me as anything because you are royalty, but you staring into my eyes like that only to leave me at the mercy of the shopkeeper, the guards, your outdated laws that let my family starve… I became consumed by it. I wanted vengeance. I wanted it after your mother died, and after your father was poisoned.”

When rumors spread in the underground of a challenger to your fledgling rule, I jumped at the chance to be useful. I was a thief, no one would hire me after your father marked me as an untouchable. I was beaten for scraps of food while told only my fleas would mourn me above, but below, I was treated like a king. I rose quickly in the ranks as a dependable pickpocket and artifact hunter. That’s when Jafar had me procure the magic from this cave. I had no idea I would be cursed with the plight of the Djinn, bound to a lamp he could use. Jafar only had mumbled about making a Dark One, Arthur chiming in about some sword called Excalibur, before I found myself bound as a slave to them at this very door. The Djinn inside gives the holder the curse, but the wielder is the one who holds the newly made Gene’s lamp. Finding myself inside of it and being summoned to do their bidding was overwhelming. “

Jafar was quick to remind me I wasn’t as good as a Dark One, but I was determined to prove myself. He couldn’t be a Genie, but he could be an all powerful sorcerer instead of a mediocre magician. Hades and Arthur came next, each with their own selfish wishes to make themselves more powerful. I wanted revenge and a better life for the poorest in Agrabah. They wanted Agrabah to burn. We began to see each other in a new light.”

It was Arthur’s second in command who pivoted them to you. I know now that he was one of your guards, and I’m sorry for your loss. Lancelot was a great and honorable man. I never understood why or how he could stand with Arthur until he was gone, labeled a traitor. I owe him a great debt for pushing Arthur to introduce me to you, and to his indomitable belief that you would fight for Agrabah’s people. Lancelot pushed for an insider that would gain the trust of the nobles, ferreting out weaknesses. Arthur agreed that the best way to use me was to spy on you. He used my magic to create Ab’dua with me as its fake prince, so I could bid for your hand in marriage. When I fell in love with you, it complicated things. Genies can’t use magic to take life, create life, or create love - these magics are too ancient, they are lost to us and our workings. We can’t access the light or the darkness, but can access the chaos of the hidden spaces. “

I could not kill you, no matter how much they wished it, but I pretended to attempt it. I delayed their wishes by pretending, stalling, and proposing alternatives. I broke the Genie laws and told them no to keep you safe. I refused to do as I was told. I paid the price.” Aladdin gestured to the long scars that now ran down his arms, no longer the bright blue. 

He stepped toward Jasmine as she backed up slightly, wavering. “When we flew to watch fireworks and you admitted you wanted to be just a normal peasant woman, I thought they would understand. I trusted them like an idiot. I couldn’t tell you I was a Genie without breaking your trust entirely or putting you at risk.” Aladdin raked a hand through his hair, laughing darkly. “They were already looking for other options since I refused to kill you. I thought our love would be enough, I thought I could keep them at bay, but then Jafar - 

"Jafar attacked when I rebuffed his advances,” Jasmine interrupted. “I remember.”

“He tried to ra -” Aladdin tried to growl angrily, but she interrupted. 

“I don’t need to relive the experience,” Jasmine bit out harshly. “In any case, it revealed him as a monster, a thief, and an unequivocal liar.”

“He is a monster. I couldn’t follow him any longer, but he was my master. I fought not to kill you, and I fought not to kill Emma. I made sure Killian could be freed, because I knew that he had deep feelings for the princess. I tried to do everything I could in my power. It was ripping me apart and I was lucky to survive… Which I’ve never been happier about. Please consider my apology, and allow me to protect you fully.”

The door slid open further, and Emma tried to push through. The gap was still just slightly too small. 

“My truth is that… I love Killian.” The door did not open. “But that’s the truth!” she hissed, and Jasmine shot her an annoyed look. 

“Try something a little less obvious, and more vulnerable.”

Emma paused, trying to think of something else that she could say. “I love my family? The United Realms? I…" 

The door did not move. Emma screamed in frustration, pounding on it, tears suddenly burning in her eyes. 

"Why!?” she screeched desperately, the howl nothing compared to what raged inside. “You want truth? Then why? Why is any of this, why does all of this suffering fall on me? Why can’t I just - why am I so useless?" 

"Emma…” Jasmine whispered approaching in worry, but Emma brushed her off. 

“I am so weak, I have had to be saved or pretend to be strong this entire time, to rely on lessons that never prepared me for any of this, and I’ve watched my people - my friends - get hurt again and again. I’ve watched them die ! Why? Are there no just gods? Is it my fault because of my royal pedigree I got by some prophetic birthright? Why can’t I just - why can’t I be stronger?” Emma cried, half heartedly pounding on the door with her shaking fists. “I just - I need to be stronger, because as far as I know everyone I have ever loved is gone, and they could be dead -" 

"Emma. That’s enough!” Jasmine snapped, pulling Emma up firmly. She looked hard, lips set and her dark eyes glinting. “You are strong. How much have you faced? How much have you done? This is not your truth. Love can be an easy truth, and it’s not one needed here. Reach deeper.” Jasmine gripped Emma’s shoulders, giving a shake, before hugging her tightly. 

“Jasmine, I don’t -" 

"You do know, Princess,” Aladdin chimed in. Both women broke their embrace, looking at him expectantly. “Well, I mean -” He blushed, shuffling slightly. “Look. This is how I see it: you choose to find the best in people, like a superpower. You choose to find the truth of that person. You see good in Killian. You see… You saw good in me. Emma, your truth is not dark, and it’s not light; it’s in between, it’s both, it’s -" 

"It’s hope,” Emma finished for him. “Pandora released all the terrors upon the world, until all that was left was hope. It clung to her skirts, multiplying for the eternity she walked the earth trying to undo her wrongs. I hold it in my heart, and I -” The door moved slightly, and she managed a wobbling smile, continuing on. 

“I know despite everything there is hope. Hope for me to find strength, to beat Nil, to save my parents, and to save Killian. I have hope that the Darkness will not stop my love from reaching him.” The door shuddered violently, sliding cleanly as dust and dirt rose from the ground.

“I have hope that one day this will be over, and the Fae - all Fae - will be able to live better lives than they had before. Lives that are hopeful, as we keep moving forward into becoming better.” Emma’s voice wavered, the door wide in front of her. “No one is going to save me, to keep these hopes alive, except for me. I have to fight. I have to punch back.”

Jasmine hugged her tightly, laughing with glee, Aladdin joining them in an embrace as they all whooped with happiness. 

Aladdin fit his palm into hers with a squeeze, Jasmine pulling him in for a tighter hug until shock registered. She jumped back as if she had been burnt, a reddening blush spreading across her cheeks. Looking sheepish, Aladdin opened his mouth to say something, but lost it when he looked to where Emma was gawking. 

On a stone pedestal, raised and lit by some source of magical light, sat a golden lamp carved with ornate markings that shone in the cave, brighter than jewels. 

Jasmine stepped forward and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Looking at the lamp, she called out. 

“Alibaba, Prince of Thieves, Djinn All Father and my Grandfather, I ask you to please wake." 

"Grandfather?” Emma squeaked, only to be hushed by both Aladdin and Jasmine. The cave rumbled, blue smoke filtering slowly from the lamp. 

“Ten thousand years in a lamp will give you such a crick in the neck!” a voice thundered, a man appearing from a column of smoke. He wore a bejeweled turban and kaftan, his deep brown eyes strikingly familiar. They blinked in surprise as he looked down at where they stood. “Granddaughter? Why have you come? I have told your father that I will never reconsider - " 

"My father has been gone now for several years,” Jasmine stated with a calm that bordered a line of steel. “He was poisoned. I took over in his stead and have ruled without incident until now, which is why I have broken your solitude to ask for aid.”

“Aid?” the Djinn asked, crossing his arms, his head falling to one side while his eyes surveyed Jasmine. “I will not help you fight some war, or subject you to the fate your mother sacrificed herself to prevent. If that is what you ask of me, you have only to receive disappointment.”

“Grandfather, I need the power of the Djinn at my side; not locked away under the sands in the middle of nowhere -" 

"Out of the question. No. Your mother did not want the fate of the Djinn tied to your life, and she gave everything for it.” His eyes moved to rest on Emma. “I swore on her name and her memory that the only magic I will perform is creating our kind. You are already part Djinn, and the thief has been freed from his servitude. That leaves only your powerful friend here.”

“Power? Me?” Emma scoffed. “I know my magic is strong and I’m supposed to be some sort of savior, but I promise you this world has turned that idea on its head. I can barely save myself.”

The Djinn laughed, and looked at Jasmine. “The Savior of legend? Well, I never thought - I never imagined this. That means it’s my time. A new All Father must be chosen, your presence heralds my daughter’s protective barriers on Agrabah being broken. It’s time for me to finally rejoin her in the chaos from whence we were born.”

Jasmine blinked, looking as confused as Emma felt. “Grandfather, what are you talking about? Please, just come with us, or give me more than just this intuition, give me the magic my mother had -" 

"The crown fitted with the diamond in the rough, delivered by the savior unknowingly, in exchange for shining her light on the Darkness. The diamond taking my place, to be seated on the throne with the crown. It was foretold, and now must come to pass before the Darkness is given a new host.” The Djinn stared at Aladdin, Emma trying to puzzle out his cryptic phrases. 

“I need - please, if they’re trying to free Killian from that…” Emma trailed off, unwilling to think about what Killian might be enduring. “Please just help us. If I’m supposed to be some savior, help me!" 

"I am. I have the diamond in hand, and he will be forever embedded in the crown as the prophecy foretells.” The Djinn turned, his eyes fixating on Aladdin. “Your power will be challenged immediately, and for that I am sorry. Take comfort knowing that your reign will be long.”

Aladdin sputtered, looking between Emma and Jasmine. “I don’t know anything about what he’s talking about, can someone please -" 

"You have so much power, Savior, it’s fascinating. It’s as if the solution to the scale tipping is you.” The Genie Father’s dark blue eyes grew darker to a coal black, and Emma felt its magic pulse through her own, as if it rippled through her body. “Light casts no shadow, and can blind those who wield it with reckless abandon as effectively as darkness. Be sure to walk your path with careful steps… I look forward to waking again, if just to hear the end of your tale Princess Emma. For the light loving the darkest recesses where it cannot ever reach is a romantic tragedy worthy of telling.”

His visage became foggy, body falling away like a fading mirage. A stillness fell, as if the entirety of the cavern had hushed in expectation, everything gathering where the Djinn had been. Emma could feel the magic, its pull as it ate itself, condensing in implosion. As soon as she felt it taper into almost non-existence, it exploded outwards, ruffling her hair in its breeze. There were bright flashes of a woman with Jasmine’s eyes, her dark hair streaked with a shock of sky blue. She smiled widely, bouncing a toddler on her knees, the memory changing to a young girl child holding the woman’s hand. She turned, looking back, a perfect miniature of Jasmine. Jasmine gasped from behind where Emma had stood, Aladdin floating slightly as the shimmering copper spots seemed to burn around him. 

The Genie Father laughed, his disembodied voice echoing in the cavern. “Be great and do things this universe needs. Do not get stuck forgotten beneath the sands, used up and all alone. Learn from my mistakes, and be better than I ever was. So long, Genie Father, leader of the free Djinn. Goodbye, my beloved granddaughter. I hope to one day hear tales of you, as well.”

Aladdin fell to the ground on his hands and knees, eyes closed as the air stopped shimmering around him. The old and ornate lamp on the stone crumbled to dust, and Emma caught the golden glint of a new lamp appearing in Aladdin’s hands. He gaped at it with wide eyes. 

“Aladdin!” Jasmine rushed to his side, pushing him to his side despite his annoyed grunt. 

“What just happened?” he asked, looking deeply confused. She looked him over as he began to grin, staring at her while she fussed over his exposed skin, looking for anywhere he had been hurt.

“I think,” Jasmine said slowly, shaking off her disbelief, “I think he made you the All Father. Which makes you a permanent fixture of my court. You serve as my second, my defense minister, my sorcerer - ”

“I guess you’re stuck with me, eh?” he teased. She only shook her head without speaking and he sighed, grin softening. “Jasmine, I’m -" 

"You have to maintain the barriers, you have to help me keep my people safe, and he just gave it to you without any instruction.” Jasmine’s breathing came quick, her composure falling away to fear. “How could he do this to me, to Agrabah -" 

” Our people,“ Aladdin replied softly. "I have to keep our people safe. And I will, Sultana. I’d fight to my last breath for everyone in Agrabah to have food, and to be protected. I swear to you, I will master the magic we need to keep Agrabah out of harm’s way." 

"You told me the truth and I hated you for it. How can we work together now with everything, all of it between us? This is all too much - ”

“I have faith we will be alright, and faith has gotten me through most of this life. When I didn’t have food, I had faith I would soon. The hope for something better, that spite of living just because dying would be easy - I had faith I would change Agrabah, and change you. I was wrong in the end.” Aladdin cupped Jasmine’s cheek, her face tilting into the touch. “You ended up seeing through me every time I tried to get anything past you. It’s been the most mystifying prospect as a thief to be so easily laid out by you - and not only because of your fortune telling. I did not so much as change you as you changed me.”

“I foresee you stealing my heart from me, Aladdin. Especially now that you are royalty, and no laws have to change for us to be together.” Jasmine’s eyebrow raised slightly, and Emma’s heart ached for Killian. “But first, let’s get back the Princess’ guide.

"Call me Al.” He smirked, and with a snap of his fingers, they stood in the blinding sun of the desert, sand swirling around them. “Let’s go free the Dark One.”

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The trip to wherever they were was arduous; Killian’s feet blistered in his boots and sand stuck to any patch of sweaty skin it could cling to. His captors hadn’t stopped for rest, making it clear that they were happy to let him drag across the scorching sand or jagged outcroppings that made up the steppe. Sand became plains spotted with squat bushes and tall spiked plants, which bled into a wooded marshlands. There was a clear path now which Killian’s feet were grateful for, the faint whispering around him forcing him to raise his head. 

Crumbling homes with tents or shoddy tin, mud, and wood patch jobs lined the road, a cart on its side with a broken axle smashed into one. Children dressed in filth caked rags peeked out from darkened doorways, while shadows creeped to peer out at the newcomer. The village stank, rotten food left out near the square that an older woman added a basket too, a pig and goat happily eating away at it. They were the only ones who seemed to be happy at all, let alone healthy. 

The road curved, a towered structure coming into view. 

“Welcome to Camelot II, Dark One!” Arthur bellowed. “It’s not home yet, but it will be once I repair the legendary blade!”

Killian ignored him as he prattled about the war, refusing to ally with the United Realms, and their subsequent banishment as they walked through the gate into the courtyard. Immediately, servants flocked to help the men down, bringing fresh fruit and water with them. Killian’s mouth watered. 

“Ah, ah, Dark One!” Jafar waved a finger, chewing slowly on a fig. The juice ran down his face, into his twisted beard, Killian deciding very suddenly that he was no longer hungry. “Jawa, Anice, take the Dark One for a bath. I need him thoroughly cleaned.”

Two women came forward, flanked by a large guard who took the rope with a sharp tug. Killian lurched forward, following them with confusion. Why in seven hells was he getting a bath? He dare not complain for it, practically diving in the steaming tub that was filled for him. The women took their task seriously as they scoured his skin with rough cloth, and they were not interested in holding conversation unless it was to snap at the other. 

They rubbed him in oils when he stepped out onto the woven towel, leaving him bare but for it. Not giving him anything to wear, they led him into a darkened room that emanated a strange green glow. A glass wall filled with swirls of brown and green hypnotized Killian, like something watched him from its depths, catching him in the cross hairs. 

In the murky waters of the tank, something stirred. A dark tentacle met the glass, toothed suction cups scraping against it with a loud screech. A great yellow eye opened, something chittering as bubbles churned. Ink flooded the water making it impossible to see the thing that lay within, the tubes leading from the tank filling with black that poured neatly into a large beaker. 

“We’ve spared no luxury for your stay with us, Dark One.” Jafar smiled, appearing behind him with the other two not far behind. “Kraken ink, an unlimited supply given at will. It makes it easy to keep you docile while we work on extracting the Darkness from you.”

Killian tried not to focus on the hands strapping him down on the table, or the clatter of tools as Jafar laughed with other men. 

“Hades, Arthur, are you both ready?” Jafar practically purred. “First incision, with ink at the ready. Wound closure test one, with 60ml of ink applied topically on the left.”

The burn he felt took his breath away, the Darkness shrieking under his skin as the ink paralyzed it further. It bit into his muscles and tried to escape from around the wound, blood flowing freely without its cauterizing. He focused on the dripping ceiling above him and watched the shadows cast from the torches’ light, trying to hold himself together. 

“The Darkness is not healing the laceration, as predicted,” a low voice commented. “May I?" 

"Go ahead Hades. I have to prepare poisons, and Arthur has to get his machines ready.” Jafar was smiling, Killian was sure of it. A finger prodded the wound, his throat tightening with the need to scream. A needle pricked his forearm, ink beginning to pump through his bloodstream in earnest. 

“Alright. Preparing for reaction to flame, magical and otherwise.” The voice that belonged to Hades seemed giddy with excitement now. “Test one of six hundred and twenty four: coals placed within bodily cavities. First, the chest cavity. Administered ink intravenously to prevent rapid regeneration.”

A sharp pain shot through his chest, a knife sliding across his sternum. Hands began prying him open, his lips finally able to part as he let out a howl. The ink cut him off as his ribs cracked, the sound coming to a stop while Hades started the slow process of burning every part of his body. 

It seemed to go on for days as he drifted away, the Darkness focused on healing what it could and learning about its captors. A new, more malleable and pliant vessel suited its needs, and Killian could feel its delight at the idea even though the haze of pain. 

He breathed his own ash, Hades throwing him in a dank cell where rats scattered from the place he landed, his chest only recently healed from the hot coals they had forced inside. 

“Heal up, Arthur has many tests to perform,” Hades said in his low, mirthless intonation. 

Killian curled into a ball, shivering. If Arthur’s chosen methods were anything like Hades, the violations would make his worst nightmares seem warm. When he heard Hades’ footsteps cease as a heavy door closed, he began to laugh, his dry and cracked wheeze full of charcoal dust. Madness was setting in already, and he had promised, promised - 

Emma. 

Her name snapped him back, the idea of a vessel capable of taking this curse away worth any torment the world could devise. His mind drifted to where there had been absence, now filled again with her, nothing but his desire to leave a man no longer tethered to the Darkness. He could almost hear her voice, feel her gentle fingers in his hair or her lips against the corner of his mouth. 

Another voice broke through his reverie. 

“Are you the newest Dark One then?” a man asked from the cell across from his, the iron criss crossing bars and dim light obscuring their identity. “You are in for a long and unpleasant stay, creature. Not as if you don’t deserve this, but I suppose even after all this time I can muster a sliver of pity.”

Killian grunted, sitting up. 

The voice continued, despite Killian’s obvious attempts at ignoring it. 

“I’m surprised you don’t recognize me, or that it doesn’t recognize me, I suppose. We were such close companions when I summoned it into this world.” The man let out a sigh. “Of course, it’s only a scrap of what it was, it seems -" 

The Darkness took control with ease, Killian unable to leash it in his weakened state. 

"You know nothing about me, sorcerer,” it hissed through his mouth, its voice dry and gritted. “You, ever the hypocrite, should not question my strength… or your own weakness." 

The Darkness felt hot under his skin, as if it was boiling while it healed him, wanting to lunge from his bones and blood to attack the other prisoner. 

"History is doomed to repeat itself, it would seem. That I do know, and I say it with the utmost disrespect to you,” the man laughed, quietly. “When you are destroyed again, and your vessel dies because of it, I hope this time you cease to be.”

“LIES!” the Darkness screeched, Killian’s throat raw after it quieted, his panting breaths deep. 

Before he could process the words, he was forced to lean forward, then backwards into the stone wall with enough force to send him into unconsciousness. 

He woke to the man still talking, his head throbbing and mouth dry. He could feel the Darkness seething, its agitation coming in waves. 

He won’t shut up, shut him UP 

“Is it telling you to silence me?” the man asked, sounding bored. “It does that when I tell it truth. The Darkness does not like honesty, especially from old Merlin here.”

“You’re Merlin?” Killian rasped, his head throbbing. 

Don’t talk to him 

The sorcerer is a LIAR 

Silence him, slit his throat, cut out his tongue, just make him quiet! 

“Indeed I am,” came the reply, with a hint of amusement. “My reputation precedes me, I presume." 

"I must get rid of it, this curse,” Killian pulled himself closer to the bars, resting his head on the stone wall to keep from touching the iron bars. “Please, help me. I read your journals, I know that you were sure there wasn’t a way to end the Darkness, but there must be -" 

"There is no way. I’m sorry,” Merlin swallowed hard, his voice softening. “And because of what you are, you’ll break the ones around you. I loved a Dark One. I know how selfish, how cruel you can be. You can’t be saved… I couldn’t save her because a Dark One can’t love ." 

"I did. I do! Emma and I -" 

"If you have even the smallest bit of doubt, it is too dangerous. It will destroy everything you touch. It stains.” His voice took on a tone of tenderness, wavering slightly. “My love - Nimue tried, she desperately tried, but it consumed her seeking its own devices. If it had the shard and its freedom, you wouldn’t be able to stop it." 

Killian shook his head, the Darkness cackling as it tore him apart to put him back together. "You don’t know that. They can take it from me, and separate it from me -" 

"It needs a host. You two are bonded by powers almost as old as time, heat, cold: instincts. It is part of you, and only death can free you. One special kind of death - even if it takes a new host.”

“No,” Killian let the word fall from his lips like a plea. “They will take it from me. I will be free of this!" 

The sorcerer is right, for once

All she will be is a toy when you are gone, and I have a better vessel to control… 

"I wish you could be, but it’s not the case. You’ll hurt everyone you love, the Darkness only gets stronger the more you try peeling it back. It drove Nimue mad." 

"We could be different. You don’t know!" 

Images of Emma flooded his mind, the Darkness clawing at them. He couldn’t imagine life without her, but imagining her suffering because of him, his abuse pushed by the Darkness and growing more unstable - it tore him apart. Merlin had said the Darkness stained. Had he stained her? 

"You can have all the hope of a different outcome, but it will be the same. Nimue went at it with me in a full on rage, the need for power too much. I couldn’t risk her hurting anyone else, so I ended her life after it consumed her entirely. I loved her, desperately so. She didn’t believe in True Love, but I thought she was mine.” Merlin paused, wistful as he swallowed hard. “Don’t put your Emma through that, especially if you think you’ll hurt her before she can stop you." 

And you will hurt her. She can’t save you. 

"I wouldn’t, I never -" 

"I’m willing to bet you have, Dark One.” Merlin sighed. “As long as you have doubt, the Darkness will win. Without the dagger’s control, you are still only just a puppet to its whims. I’m sorry.”

Silence but for the wind, dripping water, and the rattle of chains echoed through the cells, Merlin going quiet. 

The sorcerer is right about that 

You are my puppet. You will destroy her. 

“It said you were a liar,” Killian blurted out. “What is it scared of, can it at least be destroyed -" 

The Darkness howled, his jaw clenching shut. His body buckled, and he could now see Merlin through the gloom as his head hit the damp floor. He was tall, dark eyes sad as his lips curled into a pitying grimace. 

"It can be destroyed, and sent away. I know it can,” Merlin turned away, walking out of Killian’s view. “I ran experiments; I thought - I thought I had the answer. I thought an element as ancient as it, the fundamental pillars of magic if you will, could break it. The Promethean Flame, The Philosopher’s Stone, the tears of a dying Goddess, first of her name. They all should work to destroy the Vorpal Dagger.”

“Then why didn’t you -" 

"I couldn’t destroy it completely because it was bound to Nimue. I loved her, and it made me blind. She died for it to live, until your birth as the Dark One awoke it again. I was there that night, on the cliffs. It was supposed to be the Goblin King holding the power, and keeping her alive.”

“You fought on their side? Against your own -" 

"I did. The war was a complexity I couldn’t untangle myself from. I know now neither side was in the right.”

“You helped him? He stole women, he raped them, he massacred those men -" 

"You are too young to know what the Goblins went through. It’s been all but erased from time, impossible to find except in a few unedited texts that Arthur owns, and the Goblin’s own recounted history. This is what they were made to do." 

"What are you talking about? They killed -" 

A rattle and creaking of a door silenced him, Jafar grinning as he opened Killian’s cell. "My turn, Dark One. I hope Merlin has warmed up that mind of yours. I have some lovely treats for it.”

Killian was led away, fighting weakly, still not completely healed. Pushed roughly onto a table, Jafar readied neatly placed bottles of different sizes and colors, next to several different syringes. 

“Shall we?” he purred. “I have a neurotoxin I have been dying to see the effects of." 

There was a jab in his arm, and Killian felt the burn of something entering his veins. Bright sparks began to play behind his eyes almost immediately, his body beginning to convulse. He took a gulp of air when the Darkness brought him back from death, his eyes closed tight, peace just within sight but never within reach. 

He couldn’t hear Jafar now, could barely feel the needles or poisons rushing into him to eat away at his organs. His broken mind focused on one single thought, holding its fragile light close. 

Emma. Emma. Emma. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The bandit camp came into view as Emma spat out the shells of dried cocoa beans off the side of the carpet. They’d been flying for days, stopping only if needed for quick sustenance, bartering for information, or other needs. They finally found one of the compounds Jafar was fond of using accidentally, a drunken and shouting group of men talking about the take over in less than hushed voices. It was easy enough to follow their camels until the sandstone buildings and tents caught the light of the horizon. 

What Emma hadn’t expected was the projectiles launched at them, the carpet diving into a rolling dodge. They plummeted from the sky only to straighten a few feet from the ground. Emma panted, as Jasmine and Aladdin heaved in breath, the three of them gripping the carpet tightly as it continued forward. They arrived at the western side of the camp quietly, their weapons in hand. 

Stepping out, her palms crackling, Emma felt a surge within her. Light surrounded her, magic pulled from the very air, the first man who realized something was amiss hitting the ground when her green eyes met his. She watched him wither, feeling oddly detached as Jasmine and Aladdin fought ahead of her. Or they did, until she drew near and more bodies fell to the ground. It felt wonderful to be so powerful, to look at the men with deep shadows in their eyes and scarred skin and know they lay on the ground because of her. They weren’t quite dead, but they were most definitely not as alive as they were. 

Trailing her fingers along the rough clay walls, the texture made her irritated by the lack of care they had put into making this home for themselves. It was carelessly crafted with no artisanry, the sheer utilitarianism of its lack of beauty unacceptable. The fire that jumped from her skin was white and golden tinted cream, shooting up the structure. 

Emma moved inwards, pressing through the smoke. "Killian?” she called out, but no answer came outside of the men who roared at her in rage. They all fell within moments, as if an unseen creature had bowled them over. Clucking her tongue, Emma stepped over them daintily. 

She turned the corner to find Jasmine talking to a terrified looking younger man, his face just starting to grow hair. They were speaking rapidly in what sounded like a mix of Agrabaric and something Emma could not identify, his finger pointing to where she stood as he screamed in fright. Jasmine turned to look, and seeing Emma, sighed. 

“He’s afraid you’re going to kill him.” Jasmine shrugged at her as Aladdin rounded a corner closer to where the young man was tied. 

Aladdin laughed, and kneeled to look at him. “Tell him she could kill him either way, but for the chance of a less painful death, or possibly no dying at all, he should answer.”

Jasmine hissed something sinister sounding  Emma could not quite understand, although she recognized the clear words for 'painful dying’ well enough. The man broke down into frantic speech, crying in deep gasps when he finished. 

Jasmine laughed slightly, motioning for them all to leave. 

“He said that they sent an envoy to Camelot II when they saw us arrive. The Dark One is held not too far from here, but he warns that the three plan to use him to transfer the Darkness to -” Jasmine blinked in surprise, looking back at Emma who fidgeted anxiously. “Killian has a brother?" 

Emma’s mouth opened, and she blinked in confusion. "No, he had a brother, an older brother. Liam. He died in the War.”

The man began to babble, animatedly pointing to Emma, and she heard the name Liam several times in his speech.

Jasmine’s brow furrowed, and she looked back at Emma. “He says this is Liam, the younger brother of the Dark One. He doesn’t know of any other brother to the Darkness. Are you sure Emma? Because he swears -" 

"I don’t care what he swears on, he’s wrong. Liam is dead, he died and - just ask him the way to Killian!” Emma snapped, her power making her hurt with how much it wanted to be used, as if a current ran through her body. Jasmine’s frown deepened, and Aladdin stepped between them with an uneasy smile. 

“Emma, maybe you should take a moment -" 

"I can’t - Liam was - Liam and Elsa are dead, and if Killian dies, if he -" 

"He’s going to be fine. We’re only a few days behind them, he will have held on, alright? I see the way he looks at you Emma. He will hold on until you get there,” He approached cautiously, wincing slightly. Looking down, she realized the ground around her had begun to crackle with the glow of her magic. Aladdin glowed a light blue himself as if he was wading through a river. “Please, calm down.”

Emma took a deep breath, steadying herself, pulling her power back as well as she could. Everything screamed against it, begging her to punish those who had done wrong, whispering how she could purify this land. Emma blocked it out, focusing on Killian. She could almost hear him, a feeling of grief washing over her. 

Emma. Emma. Emma. 

Jasmine ended her conversation, nodding towards the carpet. “I got it. Let’s go." 

Emma hesitated just a moment, looking at the man who trembled on the ground. She walked toward him, and whispered a word she hoped he understood. 

"Run." 

He fled, Emma walking towards the carpet where her friends waited. Dispelling the energy she’d been holding, the structure crumbled as flame burst from the ground, the heat blistering, blindingly bright and booming bursts of explosion rocking the ground as she joined them. 

No one said anything as they flew away from what once was the encampment, now no more than a smoldering crater in the sands. 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Killian was thrown back into the cell more dead than alive, cycling through consciousness until he was healed enough to maintain it. In many ways he wished he had stayed in the relief of the dark, the poisons Jafar had used left him confused, suffering hallucinations, and left him lying in his own sick multiple times. 

"Who could ever love you?” Emma whispered, her throat cut by his own hand, heart beating rapidly in his other. ��Go ahead. Crush it. Kill me, just like you thought you did - like you wanted to.”

His mouth tasted awful, his brain unsure if it was the twisted Emma’s kiss, or his own bile rising. 

Liam appeared, fussing over him while Elsa shrieked at him to join them, faces pressing themselves close enough that his thin eyelids weren’t enough to keep them at bay. 

“Just die Killian,” Elsa breathes in his ear, the cold air freezing his cheek. “It only hurt for a moment, and now it only hurts when the air goes through me. It’s that hole in my chest, it just lets the draft in!” she laughed, cackling. 

Milah fell away at his fingertips, turning to dust that sent him retching, his mother’s rotted palm clammy against his forehead.

“Hush my sweet boy. Hush. Mummy loves you sweet Killian boy…" 

The visions paraded through the cell until they were few, his breath not coming in gasps or pants and his eyes not blurring or falling away to kaleidoscopic fractals. 

He turned his head, rolling to move out of the damp mess he had created. When he looked up, a new visage sat watching him. His father, looking worn and weary even in this younger appearance, stared at him. 

"What do you want, phantom? Could they not send me Liam instead of you?" 

The ghoul cocked its head, but moved closer. "I’m Liam.”

Killian barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “No. Liam was a better man than you ever were. Liam was everything good, and you and I, we… were everything wrong .”

“I’m not that Liam. He was dead after I was born.” The phantom paused. “Do you think I’m Papa? You killed our other brother. I know all about everything wrong you did, Papa told me so. I don’t expect either would haunt you, you’re a disgrace.”

The words settled heavily over him, and Killian tried to process them. He could see the differences now, the skinny and sallow cheeks hiding the curve of Liam’s - his Liam’s - jawline, the eyes of their father set deep under furrowed brow. If the scrap of a man had been fed better and had not had a slightly different nose, he could have passed for a scrawny version of himself with Liam’s face and hair. 

But then, Father had named him for Liam’s memory, so as a child, as a babe even, he must have taken after their oldest sibling. The idea of his father siring another child made Killian’s stomach churn, his head still stinging from the nerves knitting back together. 

“How did -” Killian hesitated, trying to make sense of this development. “Did he abandon you, too? Fall to drink and beat you? Did you run here? I can - " 

"Abandon me?” Liam asked with incredulous laughter. His smile darkened, eyes glinting. “No. He got sick, Ma cared for him best she could until he died. Papa was patient. I don’t remember him drinking but he smoked a pipe a lot. He started all of this, with his hatred of nobility and what became of his sons. He said you both died in the war, but you died a coward. You were supposed to lead us until it was discovered how dearly you care for your princess.”

Killian swallowed hard. “Of course. Of course it was that simple to him.” Mumbling, Killian laid his aching head back on the stone wall. “He - Father was technically right. We both died in the war, I just came back as this. The remnants of a coward’s choice, even if it wasn’t mine." 

"It doesn’t matter now, does it?” Liam sneered. 

Killian shook his head slowly, before catching Liam’s eyes. “No, I suppose it doesn’t. Are you still sure you want to take it? To be filled with this Darkness, and become a coward yourself? 

"I would never - Will never be a coward like you are. You follow that prancing princess and all these rules of good form and noble intentions,” Liam spat, his lips curled in disgust. “I will live hand and hand with the Darkness as we remake this world in the image of the Blackwater. I’ll go back and reclaim our lineage -”. 

“No one has ever done anything hand in hand with the Darkness. It uses you, until you are empty. It will hollow you out,” Killian stated with bitterness. “I ask again, do you want this? Do you not have anyone that you wish to protect? It will hurt them, no matter how hard you try.”

Liam did not answer. 

Killian sat in the silence, until Liam spoke quietly. 

“Anyone?” Killian nodded. “Even family?" 

"Especially family,” Killian admitted, unable to hide the sorrow in his voice. “I killed my brother as I begged to stop. The Darkness reveled in it. It laughed while I broke, as I screamed for it to spare him. Do you - are there more of - do you have more siblings? Is your mum…?”

“Still alive? Yeah, she’ll live another thousand years just to be around, pull'n me by the ear. She’s a terror. Papa said she was scarier than the sea and hell combined. They loved each other though, and me. It’s just us. She misses him a lot." 

"I'm…” Killian swallowed hard again, a strange whirlwind of emotion going through his mind. 

“You don’t need to be sorry or any of that shit.” Liam grunted, then spat at the floor. “You don’t owe anything to me or to Papa. You may have made Papa ashamed, but I didn’t - and I can’t wait to destroy everything for this cause. I’ll have the Darkness at my control in no time." 

"You’ll die too then,” Killian whispered, shrugging. Liam tensed, his shoulders rising as his fists balled. “By Fath - by his standards I’m dead. You will be the end of the Jones men. It’s history repeating itself as usual - I killed my Liam, and now you, the new Liam, will kill me. Then in turn the Darkness will take over, and kill you. I’ll damn your soul gratis as I die, two Liams ended by my hand. Father will be ever so proud.”

“Shut up,” Liam hissed. He stood, leaving with a slam of the cell’s heavy door. 

Killian laughed lightly, still unable to stop as he scrubbed his face. Merlin was either quiet or somewhere else, the stillness eerie as the wind outside howled. 

Closing his eyes, he dreamt of being free, the Darkness too tired and hopeful itself to try and stop him. 

Footsteps woke him later, the time indeterminate while he slept. He could hear Arthur’s laugh before his boots even came close, Merlin groaning as he was thrown back into the cell across from his. His own door rattled, and Killian resisted the urge to open his eyes. Heavy hands forced him up by his hair, his eyes squinting open to stare at Arthur’s grinning face. 

“Time to play, Dark One.” Arthur began to walk, the man holding Killian by his scalp dragging Killian along behind his path. “I have a fascination with Mortal implements of torture. I can’t wait to see what my updates for them will look like, and how they will work on Fae. I had to get Goblins to do the iron working, I wanted it perfect.”

Something creaked loudly, metal clanging. 

“Since you seem to be so tired, we’ll let you rest for a bit. Liam told me you were crying for your princess too, so I managed to get you some company - she’s a fine maiden, but a bit steely.” Arthur chuckled, and Killian was shoved into a dark space. His back hit spikes, the iron sharp. “Enjoy the embrace of the iron maiden, mate .”

The door closed, and Killian heard the crunch of his just healed ribs. He screamed, listening to Arthur laughing in glee. 

It didn’t last long, the door opened only after a few hours and he was wrenched out, Arthur pouting. “ You didn’t scream for very long. How disappointing.”

Killian was thrown on a rough wooden table, his body stripped of the dirty clothing. Cold water was thrown on him as his wounds attempted to close, a rough scrubbing given to him by the same brute that had thrown him around. 

“This though, this is my pride and joy.” Something was attached to him, then another. Suctioned pieces stuck on  his skin in various places. “It’s a machination for torture, meant to hurt more than any magics or physical torment in the Realms. Merlin was forced to help me design it, and I must say, I hope his work is nothing short of masterful. Now, don’t hold it in this time.”

Something clicked, and Killian’s eyes shot open. He screamed, unable to stop, the pain shot up his nerves and down his spine as if he was being torn apart cell by cell. The Darkness fell away, watching something do its work far more efficiently. 

It stopped, Arthur talking to someone he couldn’t see. 

“What sort of message? Can’t you see I’m busy -" 

The messenger dismounted from the carpet while Killian took advantage of the respite, sucking in hissed gulps of air. The binds at his ankles and wrists had rubbed the skin raw, but his head and chest were the worst, burning in a horrific fire like pain. Arthur bellowed out a laugh that trailed into a dark chuckle. 

"Oh, now this… This is too rich. Sit down, Gilead." 

The messenger sat dutifully, and Killian struggled to flinch back when Arthur slowly walked back to the machine. 

"I must tell you, your obstinacy and impudence so far has been honorable. No one will say that you aren’t strong of mind.” Arthur paused, his grin wide. “ However , ever since I discovered the Darkness was so close to the surface, I have wondered how strong is the heart attached to it. To keep your princess alive for so long, against all odds and your own interests, well.” He smirked, laughing again. “I thought how weak you must be, if I could just figure out what was special about her. Did you covet her kingdom? Her power? Proximity to her parents and those who wronged you?" 

Killian grunted, Arthur cranking the lever to stretch him taut again. The piece of wood in his mouth suddenly felt too dry, Arthur’s mentions of Emma putting him in a state of unease he hadn’t felt before. 

"Alas, now I see how simple it actually is. Or, more aptly, was . You did not deserve how much she loved you. Lucky for us, that has been rectified. The princess has been removed from the situation." 

The words didn’t settle on his pain hazed mind right away, his noise behind the gag in his mouth at first in disbelief. Arthur laughed heartily, motioning for the messenger to sit up. 

"Come here Gilead. Tell The Dark One what you told me." 

The curly haired redhead stepped towards his master, gulping before speaking in a reedy voice. 

"Princess Emma of the United Realms was spotted approaching the Eastern compound near Agrabah with at least one other companion, possibly two. Our wizard took care of her.” The boy, he was more boy than man Killian could see now, mimed something crashing to the ground, Killian’s heart stopping. 

Arthur roared with laughter, almost doubled over. 

“You know, I meant what I said. You didn’t deserve how much Emma loved you,” he sneered, waving his man away. “It was sickening really, once I realized you two were always staring at each other or bickering. Yearning like some courtiers fresh out of finishing. It’s a shame that neither of us had a chance with her. She would have been a feisty little -" 

Killian lunged, the Darkness roaring out of him as if he was nothing but its rage. Dark shadow fell around him, flowed through him, his hands shaking in the straps before he freed himself from one of his restraints. Arthur backed away, just out of reach. 

Emma. 

The name was an endless array of emotions that made him crazy, the Darkness irritated, and part of him mourned. 

Emma, no. Not - 

Let me go, let me take a new vessel, you sniveling coward 

Die with your silly heart breaking, weakling fool! 

Emma, his Emma, if she was - he couldn’t bear the thought. 

The Darkness continued its pressure, tendrils of it exploding outward. Arthur let the machine run, doing its worst as Killian broke, Emma’s name on his lips.

"She died thinking she could save you, wanting to see you one more time. It’s your fault, but from what I’ve heard, that’s usually how this happens for you, isn’t it? Milah, Elsa, and now Emma - I know about them all. Your little princess was so worried about you when she thought she could confide in me. I wonder if she knew you would fail her like this?” Arthur laughed, Gilead clearing his throat to mumble something, his master’s head snapping to look at him. “Quiet, imbecile. Have respect for the dead." 

Let go, vessel. Give in. She no longer waits for you. 

Give me control. She’s gone, you have nothing. 

She wouldn’t want that. She would have wanted you to be strong, she loved you - the real you - not what you were when the Darkness won out - and even then she loved you, Darkness and all, despite of everything. She would have fought for you, and now you have to fight - 

She’s dead. What she would have wanted doesn’t matter anymore, she plummeted to her death because of you. You were her literal downfall, vessel. She tried to save you, but you can’t be saved. It’s better this way. I would have killed her in a much more personal manner if she had survived. 

"Poor, poor Dark One,” Arthur sneered. “I can’t wait for you to break. The Darkness damns you even after death - poor sweet Emma is lost to you forever.”

It’s better that way, vessel. This is all for the best. 

You were weak, and she died for it. It’s time to let me go, and for you to join the Darkness in eternity. 

Far off, he heard the gentle noise of her voice, calling out to him. He wouldn’t let go yet, not until he knew for certain she was gone. 

Emma. Emma. Emma. 

Emma. 

[raayllum]

ULTIMATE RAYLLUM PLAYLIST → bold = callum, italics = rayla, plain = both, with 9+ songs for each season

season one:

i. our lives are stories, waiting to be told ii. we could be heroes, me and you iii. so sing it back if you’re with me, i want to hear how your heart speaks iv. and all i’ve seen since eighteen hours ago is green eyes, your freckles and your smile v. i tell myself, tell myself, tell myself, to ‘draw the line,’ and i do, i do, but once in a while i trip up and i cross the line, and i think of you vi. like ships in the night, you keep passing me by, just wasting time trying to prove who’s right vii. whenever you’re ready, can we, can we surrender? viii. i was an island before you came along, but your boat in my sand, your hand in my hand ix. i don’t know the one thing about you, but give me everything about you, it’s only been a moment it’s true, but i could never live this life without you

season two:

x. you lit the fire growing in me, you changed my life xi. said i’m fine but it wasn’t true, i don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you xii. somebody broke me once, love was a currency xiii. if you’re lost you can look and you will find me, time after time xiv. maybe if i tell myself enough, maybe if i do xv. every day i chase after her, but i can’t catch lightning xvi. we are bound to each other’s heart, caught, torn, and pulled apart xvii. yeah i stay stubborn, cause i can’t admit that you got all the strings and know just how to tug ‘em xviii. pull you in to feel your heartbeat, can you hear me screaming ‘please don’t leave me’ xix. cause if you never leave home, never let go, you’ll never make it to the great unknown

season three: 

xx. ghost, i see you standing there, don’t turn away, i want you to stay xxi. or will you stay, even if it hurts? even if i try to push you out, will you return? xxii. i go every day without it, all i want is real, real love xxiii. it’s time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oars, forever, cause i can’t fight this feeling anymore xxiv. say you love me now, say you need me now, over and over come closer and closer and then, say it a, say it again xxv. it’s feeling like we’re high above the ground, it’s feeling like we’re never coming down, till we want to, but why would we want to? xxvi. promise me this, that you’ll stand by me forever, but if god forbid, fate should step in and force us into a goodbye, if you have children some day and they point to the pictures, please tell them my name xxvii. and i would do it for you, for you, baby i’m not moving on, i love you long after you’re gone, gone, gone xxviii. i’m standing where the lightning strikes, i know this doesn’t happen twice, you must be my once in a lifetime

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Thirty-Four

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum​

A/N: Trigger warning for grief, excessive violence, heavy drugs, implied sex for drugs, just nik being :/

The can of gasoline hit the sidewalk with a dull thud. Amara tipped her chin up, glaring at nothing in particular. This was long overdue, but Cameron had gone and stolen her thunder, burning his club down first. Still, if she was going to stay sober, she needed some sort of outlet. So. Gasoline.

Amara turned around and unloaded the second can. She lugged it up the path, and pushed her way inside Lev’s old house. The stains on the floor, both old and new, damn near made her see red. Swallowing the bile that rose up, she started in the bedroom. This was her second trip, and she’d wasted too much in the bathroom and kitchen. She was impatient; she wanted this over, and this awful reminder of every awful thing that had happened to her cousin deserved to be burned to the fucking ground.

The second can went around the living room, and then she backed out the door. The smell of gasoline followed her. For a long moment she stared in the house, more than just the acrid scent making her throat tighten.

It was overkill but she stood there and lit every match in the box she’d bought, flicking them into the house one by one until they were gone. Only when she turned away did she notice the car idling. She stared down the sedan for a full minute before she shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and headed over.

Sorin lowered the window, frowning up at her. “Arson’s illegal, you know.”

“Do I look like I give a flying fuck?” Amara leaned over. “No one lives near here anymore, and following laws is low on my priority list.”

“Noted,” Cyrus said, turning off his car. “Why did you ask us to meet you here?”

“You were on my way. I want to discuss what you owe me.”

“Amara,” Cyrus said, voice even. “I’m not going to kill anyone for you.”

“I’m not going to ask that of you. I can kill anyone I need on my own.” She straightened. “We’ll talk at my apartment.”

She hopped on her bike, gunned the engine, and took off without bothering to see if they'd follow.

---

Nik had been wandering the streets of the Obsidian Court for gods knew how long. He didn’t quite care either way. Cameron was off doing Cameron things and he managed to slip loose of Ash’s leash, and now he was free to wander.

It didn’t take him long to find the darker parts of the city, especially when this entire city was filled with monsters of varying lethality. It definitely wasn’t hard to find dealers, however, it was hard to find a dealer who would deal to him.

Fucking Cameron.

Nik finally found one in a dive, sitting in a back booth smoking and looking at his phone. It hadn’t taken much to sit down across from him. Even if Nik’s wings weren’t showing, the demon’s silver eyes were well aware of the fact Nik was an angel. “Well, you look like shit,” he observed, mildly.

“Hm, I imagine I do,” Nik said. “Hangovers.”

The demon’s mouth tilted and he put down his phone. “You’re wanting to buy.”

“Was it that obvious?” Nik asked, leaning back. “I got the cash.” Cameron’s cash, but still.

The demon leveled him a look, mirroring Nik as he leaned into his booth. The way he looked Nik over, almost curiosity more than anything else. “And if I don’t want your money?” he asked.

“I mean, I can suck your cock,” Nik replied. “I got the skills for that, too.”

“Oh I’m sure you do,” the demon said. “But what if I said I didn’t want your mouth?”

Nik felt a smile tilt up on his face and he arched a brow. “I have an ass,” he said.

The demon snorted. “Never fucked an angel,” he mused. “I think I can make the trade.”

“Poor you,” Nik said. “Luckily I can help. Provided you give me what I want.”

“Oh I will,” he said, “However. I feel like I should tell you that this product is aimed at demonic biologies. It could quite possibly kill you- and I am not so sure that I want Cameron Luain showing up on my doorstep because his cockwarmer decided to overdose on demonic drugs.”

“Hm,” Nik mused. “That does sound like a pickle, doesn’t it.”

“So you better make the fuck worth it.”

---

Cyrus parked the car and looked over at Sorin. “You going to behave?” he asked, still gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“I don’t like how she roped you into this,” Sorin muttered petulantly.

“I agreed,” Cyrus replied mildy. “I could have said no.”

“I don’t like it,” Sorin insisted, and got out of the car with a huff. Cyrus had to jog to catch up with him, grabbing his wrist. Sorin glared at the ground, baring his fangs at nothing, before adding, “But fine, best behavior.”

Cyrus held onto Sorin for an extra moment, waiting until Sorin looked up to let go. By the time he finished crossing the parking lot, Amara was already stomping up the stairs. She’s in a wonderful mood, Cyrus mused drly, taking the lead rather than have Sorin on her heels.

By the time they got upstairs to her open doo, Amara was already kicking the two people on her couch out of the apartment. Sorin all but jumped back from the curly haired blonde man, despite having a solid inch on him. Cyrus tried not to purse his lips, and held the door for the petite ginger who followed, discreetly wiping her face as she passed.

Tension lined Amara’s body, drawing her taut as a bowstring as she watched them. “Well?” She finally bit out. “Sit.”

Cyrus wrapped his hand around Sorin’s wrist, and tugged him down onto the couch before Sorin could get bitchy. Rather than sit herself, Amara started pacing back and forth. “You wanted to discuss what spell you wanted from me?” Cyrus finally prompted.

“Is it possible to bring back the dead?” Amara asked with abrupt bluntness.

“I beg your pardon?” Cyrus asked. Beside him, Sorin had gone stiff as a board. “Back from the- you can’t be serious.”

“Deadly serious. Is. It. Possible?”

“Not that I know of,” Cyrus said. He sat back. “But-” He hesitated.

“But what? What exactly would stop you from bringing my cousin back?” Amara demanded, stopping to fix him with a look so fierce Sorin growled beside him.

A thud on the door broke their staring contest before Cyrus could figure out how to word what he wanted. A moment later a very clearly inebriated angel stumbled through the doorway.

“Demon. Goth boyfriend.”

Cyrus assumed those were greetings of a sort, because they were immediately dismissed in favor of Amara.

“I’ve got drugs. Wanna get high?” He waved said drugs in Amara’s direction to prove it.

Amara scowled. “No. I’m busy, and I’m still pissed at you.”

The angel squinted at her. “Are you sober?” He somehow managed to sound accusatory and confused at the same time.

“Sober as a priest during mass,” she replied. “Is that all you want, Nik? If so you can go.”

Nik continued to stare at her. Even Cyrus was getting uncomfortable by the time Nik said, “Are you pregnant?”

“No,” Amara said shortly. “I’m not. Unlike some people, I know how to cope with death.”

What, with necromancy? Cyrus thought, but he kept that to himself.

They all watched Nik saunter across the room. “Do you want to be?” He all but slurred, leaning in close as he slid his hand under her shirt.

Without hesitation she twisted his wrist, grabbed the scruff of his neck, and slammed his face in the coffee table. He dropped like a rock and lay on the floor. After staring at him for a moment, she crouched and checked to see if he was breathing.

“I didn’t mean to hit him that hard,” she said mildly, sitting back on her heels. “Give me a minute, I have a phone call to make.”

Sorin and Cyrus exchanged a look as she pulled her phone out.

---

She should have been less hasty to react, and she knew it. Nik was grieving, and she had no intentions of telling him what she was trying to do. Fuck him, especially after calling her a liar and blaming Lev’s death on her.

Cameron picked up immediately, like he knew she was going to call. He probably did, too. “Come get your brat,” she said in place of a greeting. “I knocked him out after he offered to knock me up.”

“I don’t think he can get it up,” was all Cameron said. “Don’t kill him.”

The phone call ended with a decisive click.

“Bastard,” she muttered, standing. She looked Sorin and Cyrus over, and said, “We’re just gonna have to wait until Cameron comes to pick up Nik. Use that time wisely, witch, and think about your answer.”

She proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes with her arms crossed as she slouched in the armchair, glaring at the door until Cameron deigned to show up. She knew damn well it took half that amount of time to get there even if you followed the rules of the road.

The first thing Cameron did when he walked in the door was to look right at the witch and demon seated awkwardly on her couch. The witch met his stare steadily, not blinking, which... Amara had to give credit where credit was due. A lesser man would have broken eye contact, or at least squirmed. Cyrus simply waited calmly for Cameron’s attention to turn elsewhere.

The suspicion in Cameron’s gaunt face when he looked to her finally didn’t sway her from her stony silence. Eventually Cameron scooped Nik up. “Thanks for babysitting him. I’ll be sure to pay you.”

Amara lifted her chin just a little, just out of pure stubbornness. She didn’t owe him a goddamn thing, least of all this. She washed her hands of owing him anything when she gave him Lev’s ashes.

Silence reigned in the apartment for a full five minutes before Cyrus spoke up.

“It might be possible. With a heavy emphasis on might.” Cyrus leaned forward. “Ignoring the fact you’re asking me to break the very laws of nature, this has never been done before. Never, in the history of angelkind, demonkind, or humankind. No one has managed to bring back the dead.”

“My family has a reputation for beating the odds,” Amara replied flatly. “Figure it out.”

“Circling back, and not ignoring it, you’re asking me to break the laws of nature. Do you not understand what a witch is?”

Amara narrowed her eyes. “I know exactly what a witch is, and that’s why I’m asking you right now.”

“And why do you get to bring someone back?” Cyrus challenged. “Who says he wants to come back? DId you consider any of this? I get you’re grieving, but wedging that door open is not a reversible act. What’s to stop anyone else from doing the same thing?”

“Not my problem,” Amara snarled. Despite that, she looked away. “I don’t care about the rest,” she said finally. “But- we’ll ask him. Before. I know someone who can see ghosts.”

Cyrus sighed, and when she looked up, he was rubbing his temples tiredly. “Again, I don’t even know if it’s possible-”

“Then find out,” Amara said, and even she could hear the desperation in her voice. “Please. I have to try. He was- he was just starting to be happy, and I let him get murdered.” She swallowed, hardened her tone again. “I can describe it for you. What that demon did to him. He didn’t deserve it.”

Cyrus’ stupid stare didn’t waver, even if beside him Sorin had his head down and his fists clenched. Finally Cyus said, “I can look into it. I’ll do my best to figure it all out. I promised you a spell, and I’ll do everything in my power to find it. But this does not get out. I don��t want people lining up at my door to find out how I raised the dead, if it even is possible.” Cyrus paused, long enoughs he thought he wouldn’t go on. His hand found hers, and she couldn’t bring herself to shake him off. “Before I agree to do the spell, I want to talk to him myself. Either through a seance, or through your friend. And... are you sure he’s a ghost? I won’t be able to do anything if he’s moved beyond.”

“Lev’ll stay. Nik’s a wreck. I know him too well. He’s here somewhere. Crying, if ghosts can even cry.”

Cyrus nodded slowly. “I'll do my best,” he promised, and stood. “Is there anything else you need?”

Amara shook her head. She waited for Cyrus to gently pull Sorin to his feet and herd the demon out the door with an arm around his shoulder before she lowered her head in her hands. She’d done all she could for now. It didn’t feel like enough.

---

Cameron dropped the stone cold unconscious omega back at home, ordering the sentries to make sure he did not leave his house and could not get to the alcohol. He called Ash and told him to come babysit as well before he went back to Amara’s shitty apartment.

He hadn’t bothered knocking on the door and walked inside. Amara was sitting with her head in her hands and Cameron had the feeling she had been sitting like that for a while. “That can’t possibly be good for your back,” he said, mildly.

“Like you care,” Amara said, in a muted sort of tone.

“I don’t,” Cameron said. “What was the witch doing here.”

Amara finally bothered to look up at him. “Doing me a favor.” When Cameron didn’t say anything, she said, “He’s going to try to bring Lev back.”

The only reaction Cameron gave her was furrowing his brows. “And what makes you think that any of us have the right to play with life like that. We trade in death, our hands are too dirty for this.”

“I take what I want.”

“I know plenty of people who take what they want,” Cameron said, coolly. “Doesn’t mean any of you have the right to alter the laws of nature. Then again, you are a hypocrite.”

Amara stared at him with a blank tone that he chose to ignore. “He didn’t deserve that. We should have done better.”

“He didn’t,” Cameron said. “And we should have. But he got it and we didn’t. We live with our choices.”

“I won’t. And you can’t stop me.”

“I’m sure I could,” Cameron said, mildly, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“But you won’t. You miss him too and Nik’s a wreck. I’ll take the consequences.”

“And what about the consequences your cousin will face if brought back from the dead? Surely you don’t think he will be symptom free from necromancy.”

“I’ll figure it out,” she said. “It can’t be any worse than him watching the three of us flounder. You know he is.”

“And you’re so sure about that?” he asked dryly. “I hadn’t realized you were so well versed in the arts of bringing back the dead.”

“Then fine,” she said. “I’m a selfish bitch and I want him back. And I don’t care about anything else.”

“Well. At least you’re self aware. And what would you do if your plan doesn’t work? I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy with your witch’s failure in resurrection. Considering his magic would be derived from the very nature you plan on breaking.”

“Then at least I tried,” she said, her tone too hoarse for his taste.

“Have you considered what the ginger is going to have to say about this?”

“If Ash didn’t want me fucking with the laws of nature then he should have saved Lev when he had the chance.”

Considering Ash’s magic, his very being was tied to Nature, Cameron was sure Ash had plenty to say on the matter, and if he cared, he might consider telling him. But instead he said, “Does your witch have any idea of how to do it?”

“No,” she admitted. “He just said he’d try and figure it out.”

“How reassuring,” Cameron deadpanned.

Amara seemed tired when she said, “Fuck you.”

“Did you consider that I might have had information to give you regarding this idiotic idea of yours?”

Amara sighed. “No. I didn’t want to think about you; I don’t owe you anything.”

“Going to be hard resurrecting your cousin if you lack the key ingredients, don’t you think?” Cameron said. Even with the reading he had done, it didn’t take a genius to piece together the fact Lev’s ashes were probably going to be required.

Amara rubbed at her face. “I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. We’re still trying to figure out if it’s even possible.”

“Does anyone know? Besides you, the witch and his demon?” Did you idiotically tell Nik.

Amara shook her head. “Cin knows. He doesn’t approve either.” She looked up, leveling him a look. “I don’t owe Nik anything.”

Cameron lifted a brow. “Trouble in paradise? Are you saying Nik is no longer your best friend. I’m sure he will be hurt at the revelation.”

“He told me Lev’s death was my fault because I introduced you. As if you both didn’t make Lev the happiest he’d ever been in the 137 years he was alive.”

“Lev’s death is my fault,” Cameron said, flatly. “No one elses.”

“Fuck you. It’s Destris’ and we both know it.”

Cameron didn’t give her the satisfaction of a blink. “I’ll let you think that,” he said, coolly. He moved over to the coffee table and dropped the bottle of whiskey next to her. “Your payment.”

“I don’t want it. Take it back. I’m sober.”

“Not for long,” Cameron said, already turning around and walking out the door. He pulled out his phone, looking at the time and map. He had the feeling the witch and his lover lived in demonic territory somewhere.

----

Cyrus ran his fingers through Sorin’s curls, stifling a sigh. Reopening old wounds hadn’t been the point of seeking out Amara all those weeks ago. The conversation about Fax this afternoon, as soon as they’d gotten home, had taken a lot out of both of them. The look on Sorin’s face when Cyrus had gently pointed out Fax had moved on months before haunted Cyrus.

For the last hour Sorin had just lain there with his head in Cyrus’ lap. Cyrus had let him, giving him time to process and grieve all over again. Two steps forward, one step back. As always.

Cyrus’ wardings warned him right before Cameron stepped through the front door. The demon settled in Sorin’s armchair, crossing one knee over the other without so much as a greeting. “So. You want to bring back my omega from the dead.”

“Want is a bit of a stretch,” Cyrus replied, keeping his arm on top of Sorin to keep him from sitting up. “Coerced into it is a more accurate description. But yes, I will be attempting it.”

Cameron looked at him for the longest time before saying, “Why? I’m sure you could defend yourself from Amara just fine. And if not, you boyfriend can.”

Cyrus inclined his head. “I could,” he agreed. “But I made a promise, and I intend to keep it. I made the mistake of keeping that promise open ended, and I won’t be making that mistake again. At the time it seemed worth it, for Sorin’s sake.” He dragged his fingers through Sorin’s curls again, and Sorin hid his face against Cyrus’ thigh in response.

Cameron leaned back. “I thought witches had morals.”

“We do.” Cyrus arched a brow. “Just because they don’t line up with what you expect doesn’t mean I don't have them.”

“Oh, I don’t have morals,” Cameron said. “However, you answer to a higher power than me.”

“I expect this spell will have a hefty price,” Cyrus said. “I know I’ll be breaking the laws of nature. If I can even manage it. Nature will demand something in return. Amara will have to decide if she’s willing to pay that price. Though I’m sure she’ll not care what the price is.”

“No she does not,” was all Cameron said. Eventually he said, “And what about the price Lev will have to pay?”

Cyrus closed his eyes, grimacing. He only opened them when he knew what to say. “Part of my conditions for bringing Lev back is ensuring I minimize whatever cost there is for him. And he has to agree to it. I’m not yanking him back into this life if he doesn’t want to come. No one deserves that. If I can’t promise both of those with the spell I create, then I will not perform it, and Amara will have to live with that. You all will.”

“Are you prepared for that kind of blood on your hands?” Cameron asked.

Cyrus considered that too. He couldn’t not. Every time he thought about what he had to do, he had to face that truth all over again. “I don’t know,” he finally replied. “I’ll have to decide when the time comes.”

“And that will be your price.”

“I know,” Cyrus said softly. “It’s a lot to pay, for one omega.”

The blank look on Cameron’s face didn’t go away, even as he stared at Cyrus. Seconds stretched into minutes, until Cameron said, “You don’t even know him.”

“No,” Cyrus said. “I don’t. “But Sorin’s cousin did.” He could feel Sorin tense underneath him. “We’ve been meaning to come talk to you about him, as soon as Sorin was ready.”

Cameron’s pale gaze shifted to Sorin. “Well? Are you ready?”

Slowly, Sorin sat up, fingers clenching into fists as he stared right back at Cameron. “I don’t think I’ll ever be,” Sorin said. “But Levant is the reason Fax was killed. I want to know what he was like. Why Fax loved him enough to get killed for him.”

Cyrus could see Cameron thinking. “He cared. Too much. He was afraid, too much.”

“So Fax wanted a mirror,” Sorin said bitterly, mostly to himself.

“What else did you want to know?” Cameron asked.

“Everything that comes to mind is not something you could answer,” Sorin replied. The temperature in the room spiked as grief showed plain on his face. Cyrus put a hand on his shoulder gently, and it settled, somewhat. Sorin swallowed hard, and added a quiet, “But thank you. At least I know that.”

Cameron inclined his head ever so slightly, giving Sorin a mild, “You’re welcome,” before returning his attention to Cyrus. “How exactly are you planning on bringing Lev back from the dead.”

Cyrus pushed down his annoyance. “I don’t know yet. I haven’t even begun my research. Amara only told me what she wanted two hours ago, and I’ve yet to have a chance to figure out where to start. I may need another witch to help me, and the whole process could take months. There’s no way of telling this early.” He spun one of his many rings, thinking about it. “I’m assuming you’re going to want progress reports.”

“Yes,” Cameron said shortly, and then added, “Do you know any witches?”

“None I’m particularly fond of. Or trust,” Cyrus admitted. “Again. I haven’t had nearly enough time to sit down and plan this all out. I’m not going to dive into this head first.”

Cameron stood up, looking at the black and silver watch on his wrist. “Well. If you would like my resources, let me know.”

With that, he was gone, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Cyrus sighed, flicking it shut with a brief spell, and then leaned back, dropping his head on the back of the couch. Sorin resumed his place in his lap, sighing as well.

“You shouldn’t have agreed to that spell,” Sorin muttered. “Now we have Cameron fucking Luian barging in our house.

“I know,” Cyrus replied dryly. “Believe me. I know.”

----

Cameron spent the drive home mulling over the witch’s words, and Amara’s words. And his own words. He thought about the possibilities and the consequences of bastardizing the balance of forces outside of any of their control.

He assumed Lev would want to come back, just because Lev wanted to piece together Nik again. It only made sense, seeing as how the angel tried putting everyone back together besides himself.

Cameron made his way back to the house after parking the car, snow crunching under his shoes as he walked inside. The sentries didn’t move an inch while Cameron walked down the hallway to the bedroom where he could smell the angels.

Nik was indeed still passed out cold on the bed where Cameron had left him. Ash was stewing in his corner in the chair, heat radiating off him as his glowing green eyes snapped onto Cameron. He got up from his chair and came over to Cameron. “Your house reeks and you owe me for once again babysitting him because you can’t be bothered to deal with the mess you got him into.”

“Well I do appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule,” Cameron said, mildly. “I’ll make sure you’re paid.”

“I don’t want your money,” Ash snapped, storming around him.

“How about information?” Cameron said, getting Ash to stop dead in his tracks at the doorway. “I’m sure you’d be pressed to learn that Amara plans on bastardizing nature.”

Ash slowly turned around and looked at him. “Excuse me?” Ash asked, in a softness that had Cameron’s brow arching.

“You might want to pay her a visit,” Cameron said, hands sliding into his pockets. “She wants to have Levant brought back from the dead.”

Ash stared through him, eyes hard and sharp and cutting into him. Cameron waited for him to say something, to start shouting or to light something on fire, seeing as how he could feel the heat curling in the air. But Ash turned on his heel and disappeared out of the room.

-----

Ash drove straight from Cameron’s house to Amara’s shitty apartment building. He had his magic going full force, keeping his eyesight crystal clear as he started from the parking lot to her apartment. He hadn���t bothered shutting off the car or knocking on her door before barging into her apartment.

Amara was staring at a bottle of whiskey on her table, and he could tell she had been staring for quite some time. “Well I clearly cannot blame this idea on alcohol soaked desperation.” His magic wilted at the mere thought of someone being bought back from the dead.

Amara hadn’t bothered looking up at him. “I haven’t had anything to drink since he died.”

“So you finally curb booze in order to have necromancy performed?”

“Yaaaay,” she said, in the most unimpressive deadpan tone Ash had ever heard. “Got it in one.”

“This is pathetic,” Ash said. “You’re pathetic. You do not hold a monopoly on grief. You do not get to decide who gets to die and who gets to come back. You have absolutely no fucking right to bend the laws of nature to fill your own grief.”

She looked him dead in the eye. “You make it sound like I care.”

“Oh I don’t give a shit if you care or not,” Ash said. “You need to learn to handle your grief like a damned adult instead of turning your cousin into the undead. We all have lost someone,” Ash said. He had watched his entire family being slaughtered in front of him. He had never once considered fucking necromancy to bring them back. “Lev will pay the price for this. Nature will have its balance and it’ll come right out of him.”

“Cyrus will figure it out.”

Well, Ash would have to add another idiot to the list, then. “And who is Cyrus? Someone you conned into enabling your stupid plan?”

“A little bit yeah; didn’t exactly give him an out.”

“A witch?” She stared at him blankly. When she didn’t elaborate, and her blood pressure altered, Ash said. “A witch, then.”

“Who else would be able to do that kind of magic?” she said. “A stupid question.”

“Well,” Ash said, “As far as I could know you conned some angel or demon into breaking even more laws of nature. Seeing as how I am connected to nature, you bitch. So yes, someone else would be able to do that kind of magic.”

Amara gave him a thoughtful look. “Noted. If Cyrus can’t, then I’ll go to someone else.”

Ash’s magic tore through him. He wrapped flames around her neck. “You know,” he mused, “I really could have you not.”

“You say that like I haven’t been suicidal my entire life,” she said.

“Yeah? Well get in line.” He tightened the flames, but didn’t let them burn her. “Like I said, you do not own a monopoly on grief. You are not the only person who wished they were dead at sixteen years old.” Bay flickered in his mind. “And you are not the only one who has not outgrown suicidal ideation. You aren’t special.”

“I don’t care,” she said. “I’m tired of watching Nik. And I’m tired of watching Cameron pretend he’s not hurting too. They’re both ticking time bombs.”

She made it sound like Cameron hadn’t been a ticking time bomb for the last five hundred years. She made it sound like Nik hadn’t been trying to kill himself for the last nineteen years either. “Then get them in therapy,” Ash said, evenly. “This will just put a bandaid on it.”

She laughed at him. “You’re not going to convince me. The only one who could is Lev himself. But thanks for giving me the mental image of Cam and Nik in therapy.”

His magic felt like acid in his veins. It- it wanted him to push further, to make her not do this. “I could kill you,” Ash said. “No convincing involved.”

She watched him steadily. “You make it seem like you didn’t know the moment you met me that I was a selfish bitch who would do anything to get what I want.” She closed her eyes. “Kill me, if you really feel like it's necessary. Not like I can stop you.”

No, you really couldn’t, Ash thought. The temptation he had- he could feel the sharp sweetness of blood in his mouth. The hard pounding in his head definitely didn’t help matters either. But he snuffed out the flames. “I don’t kick a downed dog,” he finally said. “But I will stop you.”

Before she could even respond, if she even would respond, Ash turned back around and stalked out of her apartment. The way he slammed the front door echoed through the entire building, chasing him back to his car.

Tagging:  @idreamonpaper @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @mis-lil-red

[e8luhs]

QUEEN OF PEACE.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

TRACKLIST & ANNOTATIONS UNDER THE CUT! (last edited 04.04.19)

I. QUEEN OF PEACE / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

oh, the queen of peace always does her best to please is it any use somebody's gotta lose like a long stream i'll bear all this echoing oh, what is it worth all that's left is hurt

II. FLAMINGO / KERO KERO BONITO

black, white, green or blue show off your natural hue flamingo if you're multicolored, that's cool too you don't need to change it's boring being the same flamingo you're pretty either way

III. FRIEND [LOVER] / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

IV. BEATOPHONE / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

V. OTTER POP / SHAWN WASABI

jello shots and lemon drops this is how we otter pop this is how we otter pop higher than an astronaut this is how we otter pop

VI. HEART ATTACK (CHUU) / LOONA

you attack my heart!

VII. CALL ME / BLONDIE

call me (call me) on the line call me, call me any, anytime call me (call me) oh love when you're ready we can share the wine call me

VIII. PANIC / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

IX. HER PERFUME / POGO

[instrumental]

X. MY BLOOD / ELLIE GOULDING

that feeling that doesn't go away just did and i walked a thousand miles to prove it and i'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts the color of my blood is all i see on the rocks as you sail from me

XI. RUINS / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

XII. DOG DAYS ARE OVER / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

she hid around corners and she hid under beds she killed it with kisses and from it she fled with every bubble she sank with a drink and washed it away down the kitchen sink

XIII. TEARDROP / MASSIVE ATTACK

water is my eye most faithful mirror fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire of a confession

XIV. THE TROUBLE / POGO

[instrumental]

XV. JENNY / STUDIO KILLERS

i wanna ruin our friendship we should be lovers instead i don't know how to say this 'cause you're really my dearest friend i wanna ruin our friendship i don't know how to say this 'cause you're really my dearest friend

XVI. SEA CASTLE / PURITY RING

i could give you petty rhymes of worlds that i contrive they're in my sleep, my dreams i speak them slow, so you can read and not stand back and stare and fear foolish devouring things and not stand back and stare and fear foolish devouring

XVII. WASH MY HANDS / KORMAC

[instrumental]

XVIII. GETTIN’ MY MOM ON / JACK STAUBER

cup in my cap, and i'ma drinka my mimosa! read “keep calm carry on” poster (slip into jc penney’s having a day sale gettin’ my mom on)

XIX. BE ALRIGHT / SHE

[instrumental]

XX. BABE / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XXI. BUTTERFLY / LOONA

it gets dizzy everything around me is blue, now with you, you, now a folded paper moon like i’m wandering in-between i better be around you

XXII. WET HANDS / C418

[instrumental]

XXIII. ALL MY STARS ALIGNED / ST VINCENT

i do a dance to make the rain come smile to keep the sky from falling down, down, down, down collect the love that i've been given build a nest for us to sleep in here you know it's real

XXIV. HALF CAFF / GO! CHILD

you saw me collapse past the frame asking me as i fell to my knees, "is this how it should end?" but i told you i wasn't worth any of this feeling the abyss, i looked up and i said ... and i said, "here i go again"

XXV. ASSEZ VIF, TRES RHYTHME / SATIE STRING QUARTET

[instrumental]

XXVI. NEWBOP / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

XXVII. PROLOGUE / DISASTERPEACE

[instrumental]

XXVIII. WAR OF HEARTS / RUELLE

i can’t help but be wrong in the dark 'cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts i can’t help but want oceans to part 'cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts

XXIX. MAKE UP YOUR MIND / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

make up your mind let me leave or let me love you while you've been saving your neck, i've been breaking mine for you

XXX. RUNNING UP THAT HILL (A DEAL WITH GOD) / KATE BUSH

you don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies unaware I'm tearing you asunder ooh, there is thunder in our hearts

XXXI. BODYACHE / PURITY RING

i, i, i lied, now i'm lying awake i, i, i cried 'til my body ache i, i, i lied, now i'm lying awake i, i, i cried 'til my body ache

XXXII. SHIP TO WRECK / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

what's with the long face, do you want more? thousands of red-eyed mice, scratching at the door don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before the chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor

XXXIII. HEARTACHE / UNDERTALE

[instrumental]

XXXIV. DREAM SWEET IN SEA MAJOR / MIRACLE MUSICAL

a siren sounds like the goddess who promises endless apologies of paradise and only she can make it right so things are different tonight we'll go together in flight

XXXV. COTTON HEADS / CARAVAN PALACE

i'll tell you why the pictures on the wall, i want to get away from it all

XXXVI. END OF THOUGHT / REGINA SPEKTOR

be careful before you decide the universe is too big the universe is too big you cannot make a mistake you cannot make a mistake

XXXVII. FEAR THE FUTURE / ST VINCENT

when the war rose and fell and the oceans are swell i run for you, run for me too

XXXVIII. FINESHRINE / PURITY RING

that i might see with my chest and sink into the edges round you into the lakes and quarries that brink on all the edges round you, round you, round you

XXXIX. SILENT SPRING / MASSIVE ATTACK

[instrumental]

XL. FOLDING CHAIR / REGINA SPEKTOR

now i've been sitting on this abandoned beach for years waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears but every time the tide come in to take me home i get scared, and i'm sitting here alone dreaming of the dolphin song

XLI. IMPOSTOR SYNDROME / SIDNEY GISH

every other day i’m wondering what’s a human being gotta be like?  what’s a way to just be competent?  these sweet instincts ruin my life

XLII. SEA OF ATLAS / SLEEPING AT LAST

there's a fine line, a fine line in between our progress and our instability we can't help ourselves but hunt for more a design flaw? or the olive branch that proves the shore- the catalyst we've waited for

XLIII. THE CALL / REGINA SPEKTOR

just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before all you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war

XLIV. NOBODY / MITSKI

and i don't want your pity i just want somebody near me guess i'm a coward i just want to feel alright

XLV. SOFTLY WE GO / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XLVI. DROWN / MARIKA HACKMAN

oh, to drown in your mind i would, i know i would to suffocate in your smoke i'd choke on you if i could maybe i will

XLVII. KALEIDOSCOPE / ARC IRIS

did i singe every hair from the body i have left? did i lose every drop of scent? a farse, a fall, an effigy hanging by a thread

XLVIII. SLOWBIRTH / ELSIANE

why am i full of emptiness? someday i will find my way ‘cause i always start to fall every moment that we face oh please help me find my way

XLIX. FALLEN DOWN (REPRISE) / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

L. NOW, NOW / ST VINCENT

i'm not the feather at your feet i'm not your yellow brick street i'm not anyone you'll see i'm not anything

LI. OPHELIA / MARIKA HACKMAN

she who walks alone in life, is she of sound mind? i am only as old as i've been told now i'm playing for time

LII. NOBODY KNOWS / ELSIANE

it’s been so hard the task to resolve investigating ourselves becoming what we don’t want to be suffering all by ourselves

LIII. ALICE / POGO

[instrumental]

LIV. WATERFALL / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

LV. ROUND / THE MOTH AND THE FLAME

tones bring us pleasure, but how do you hear the absence of melody where was our mother to tell us with songs of assurance, "you're not alone"

LVI. CHAMPAGNE YEAR / ST VINCENT

i'll make a living telling people what they want to hear it's not a killing, but it's enough to keep the cobwebs clear

LVII. VANERHAVET / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LVIII. WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

and oh, poor atlas the world's a beast of a burden you've been holding on a long time and all this longing and the ships are left to rust that's what the water gave us

LIX. YOU’VE GOT TIME / REGINA SPEKTOR

think of all the roads, think of all their crossings taking steps is easy, standing still is hard remember all their faces, remember all their voices everything is different the second time around

LX. STRANDED LULLABY / MIRACLE MUSICAL

there's a still tension in the swell so give in to the vast receiving emptiness of time beyond, beyond

LXI. ATHENA / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

LXII. WOMAN KING / IRON & WINE

hundred years, hundred more someday we may see a woman king, sword in hand swing at some evil and bleed

LXIII. HARDEST OF HEARTS / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

there is love in your body but you can't get it out it gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

LXIV. SCIENCE/VISIONS / CHVRCHES

when you are truly yourself, you will succumb to a permanence a light by day a shadow resides by night

LXV. MODERATION / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

i've never made it with moderation no, i've never understood all the feeling was all or nothing and i took everything i could can't hold it back, i can't take the tension oh, i'm trying to be good want me to love you in moderation well don't you know, i wish i could

LXVI. WE PUT A PEARL IN THE GROUND / ST VINCENT

[instrumental]

LXVII. RECOVER / RUELLE

can you see me? i can barely see myself are we only empty frames up on the shelf it's like we're dreaming wide awake everything bends, until it breaks

LXVIII. SORRY / THE MOTH AND THE FLAME

i'm sorry for everything i've done and i'll no sooner lay down than i'll be anything I'm not i don't question the rules, i answer for them

LXIX. POOR ATLAS / DESSA

there's a book full of plans at the feet of poor atlas titled "for man" but the architects only drew blanks now there's nowhere to go but go back, go back, go back, go back

LXX. THOUSAND EYES / OF MONSTERS AND MEN

i lie awake and watch it all it feels like thousand eyes

LXXI. AQUARIUM / NOSAJ THING

[instrumental]

LXXII. BLACK SUN / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

how could something so fair be so cruel when this black sun revolved around you

LXXIII. PERFECT ON THE SURFACE / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

this is, this is the purpose of my life harvest all my love, harness all my power to be perfect on the surface the surface cracks and i harvest all my love, harness all my high to be perfect on the surface the surface shine

LXXIV. NOTHING BUT TIME / METRIC

i wanted to be part of something i got nothing but time so the future is mine

LXXV. BREAKING DOWN / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

all alone, even when i was a child i've always known there was something to be frightened of i can see it coming from the edge of the room creeping in the streetlight holding my hand in the pale gloom can you see it coming now?

LXXVI. STILL / BEN FOLDS

i must give the impression that i have the answers for everything you were so disappointed to see me unravel so easily

LXXVII. NOT THE VILLAIN / S. J. TUCKER

if you want the very truth, i'll lay it down before you: everybody's got a story if you want the very truth, it's here before your eyes: every witch was someone's princess in some other once upon a time

LXXVIII. TORNADOLAND / REGINA SPEKTOR

before the light goes out why don’t you close your eyes? and all the monsters in your mind just wanna be nice they wanna be kind, they wanna play nice, they wanna be

LXXIX. THE PARTY / ST VINCENT

do you have change or a button or cash? oh, my pockets hang out like two surrender flags oh, but i'd pay anything to keep my conscience clean i'm keeping my eye on the exit sign, steady now

LXXX. TIME FOR US / ELSIANE

realizing never before you tried to compromise all you’re fighting within us all it’s undesired you’re hiding behind all this now that you found this follow your own way

LXXXI. NATTOPET / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LXXXII. NO CHOIR / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

but the loneliness never left me i always took it with me but i can put it down in the pleasure of your company and there will be no grand choirs to sing no chorus will come in, no ballad will be written it will be entirely forgotten and if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment oh darling things seem so unstable but for a moment we were able to be still

LXXXIII. RECOVER / CHVRCHES

and if i recover will you be my comfort? or it can be over or we can just leave it here so pick any number choose any color i've got the answer open the envelope

LXXXIV. ONE / SLEEPING AT LAST

now, i have learned my lesson; the price of this so-called perfection is everything i've spent my whole life searching desperately to find out that grace requires nothing of me

LXXXV. THE FACE PART II / METRIC

[instrumental]

LXXXVI. SPECTRUM / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

say my name and every color illuminates we are shining and we will never be afraid again

LXXXVII. PARTYLAND / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LXXXVIII. PINK IN THE NIGHT / MITSKI

i could stare at your back all day i could stare at your back all day and i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right can i try again, try again, try again? try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again?

LXXXIX. HOME SWEET HOME / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

XC. HANG ON ME / ST VINCENT

yeah, so hang on me hang on me, hang on me, 'cause you and me we're not meant for this world

XCI. NEW YEAR / REGINA SPEKTOR

she sets her alarm five minutes to midnight and wakes just in time to say her goodbyes thanking the old year for all it has brought her no mention of the things it took away

XCII. AGER (MIND REEL) / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XCIII. HEARTLINES / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

just keep following the heartlines on your hand just keep following the heartlines on your hand

XCIV. COME INTO THE WATER / MITSKI

i didn't know i had a dream i didn't know until i saw you so would you tell me if you want me? 'cause i can't move until you show me

XCV. I’M GOOD, I’M GONE / LYKKE LI

i'm working a sweat but it's all good i'm breaking my back but it's all good cause i know I'll get it back yeah, i know your hands will clap

XCVI. THE MOTHER WE SHARE / CHVRCHES

i'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens and the mother we share will never keep your proud head from falling the way is long but you can make it easy on me and the mother we share will never keep our cold hearts from calling

XCVII. SHAKE IT OUT / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

and i've been a fool and i've been blind i can never leave the past behind i can see no way, i can see no way i'm always dragging that horse around

XCVIII. SUN / SLEEPING AT LAST

we are the dust of dust we are the apple of god’s eye we are infinite as the universe we hold inside

XCIX. 054 / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

C. GOODBYE FOREVER / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

[pamphletstoinspire]

THE BOOK OF Josue - From The Douay-Rheims Bible - Latin Vulgate

Chapter 7

INTRODUCTION

This book is called Josue, because it contains the history of what passed under him, and, according to the common opinion, was written by him. The Greeks call him Jesus; for Josue and Jesus, in the Hebrew, are the same name, and have the same signification, viz. A Saviour. And it was not without a mystery, that he who was to bring the people into the land of promise, should have his name changed from Osee (for so he was called before, Num. xiii. 17,) to Josue, or Jesus, to give us to understand, the Moses, by his law, could only bring the people within sight of the promised inheritance, but that our Saviour, Jesus, was to bring us into it. Ch. --- The Hebrews who had been so rebellious under Moses, behaved with remarkable fidelity and respect towards his successor; who, by these means, more forcibly represented the Christian Church, (D.) which will be ever obedient to her divine head and observe his directions. Josue had been trained up a long time under the hand of Moses, and God had given him the commission to govern his people, in so public a manner, that no one offered to claim that high and arduous office. In effect, the whole conduct of Josue before and after his exaltation, shewed him to be most deserving of command. H. --- Josue, says the Holy Ghost, (Eccli. xlvi. 1,) was successor of Moses among the prophets, or, according to the Greek, "in prophecies." Many explain this of the obligation incumbent on him, to continue the sacred history (C.) and revelations where Moses had left off. The last chapter of this book informs us that he did so. Perhaps some additions, by way of farther explication, have been made by subsequent inspired writers, though most of the passages which are adduced to prove this assertion, seem to be of little force. Respecting the death of Josue, we may make the same observations as on that of Moses. It may have been written by the author of the Book of Judges. Theodoret seems to have thought that the work before us, was compiled out of the public registers, which are quoted C. x. under the name of the book of the Lord. See Num. xxi. 14. The Samaritans have a book or chronicle of Josue, which relates in 39 or 47 chapters, many facts of scriptural history, (H.) down to the reign of Adrian, intermingled with a variety of fables. It seems to be of modern date. Hottinger undertook to publish it in Latin, but was prevented by death. C. --- The true history of Josue sets before us the passage of the Jordan, the conquest of Chanaan, and the distribution of the country. After the pious general had performed all that could be expected from him, after he had twice ratified the covenant between God and his people, and exhorted the latter, with his last breath, to observe an inviolable fidelity to the only Lord, he departed this life in peace, in the 110th year of his age, and was buried at Thamnath Sare, which he had built for the place of his abode. H. --- As the five books of Moses contain the law, intermixed with history, so this first of the historical books exhibits a variety of useful precepts and predictions. The prophetical and sapiential books must be considered in the same light. W. --- They all tend to promote true wisdom and the salvation of men, provided they be perused in the same spirit with which they were written. H.

The additional Notes in this Edition of the New Testament will be marked with the letter A. Such as are taken from various Interpreters and Commentators, will be marked as in the Old Testament. B. Bristow, C. Calmet, Ch. Challoner, D. Du Hamel, E. Estius, J. Jansenius, M. Menochius, Po. Polus, P. Pastorini, T. Tirinus, V. Bible de Vence, W. Worthington, Wi. Witham. — The names of other authors, who may be occasionally consulted, will be given at full length.

Verses are in English and Latin. HAYDOCK CATHOLIC BIBLE COMMENTARY

This Catholic commentary on the Old Testament, following the Douay-Rheims Bible text, was originally compiled by Catholic priest and biblical scholar Rev. George Leo Haydock (1774-1849). This transcription is based on Haydock's notes as they appear in the 1859 edition of Haydock's Catholic Family Bible and Commentary printed by Edward Dunigan and Brother, New York, New York.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES

Changes made to the original text for this transcription include the following:

Greek letters. The original text sometimes includes Greek expressions spelled out in Greek letters. In this transcription, those expressions have been transliterated from Greek letters to English letters, put in italics, and underlined. The following substitution scheme has been used: A for Alpha; B for Beta; G for Gamma; D for Delta; E for Epsilon; Z for Zeta; E for Eta; Th for Theta; I for Iota; K for Kappa; L for Lamda; M for Mu; N for Nu; X for Xi; O for Omicron; P for Pi; R for Rho; S for Sigma; T for Tau; U for Upsilon; Ph for Phi; Ch for Chi; Ps for Psi; O for Omega. For example, where the name, Jesus, is spelled out in the original text in Greek letters, Iota-eta-sigma-omicron-upsilon-sigma, it is transliterated in this transcription as, Iesous. Greek diacritical marks have not been represented in this transcription.

Footnotes. The original text indicates footnotes with special characters, including the astrisk (*) and printers' marks, such as the dagger mark, the double dagger mark, the section mark, the parallels mark, and the paragraph mark. In this transcription all these special characters have been replaced by numbers in square brackets, such as [1], [2], [3], etc.

Accent marks. The original text contains some English letters represented with accent marks. In this transcription, those letters have been rendered in this transcription without their accent marks.

Other special characters.

Solid horizontal lines of various lengths that appear in the original text have been represented as a series of consecutive hyphens of approximately the same length, such as ---.

Ligatures, single characters containing two letters united, in the original text in some Latin expressions have been represented in this transcription as separate letters. The ligature formed by uniting A and E is represented as Ae, that of a and e as ae, that of O and E as Oe, and that of o and e as oe.

Monetary sums in the original text represented with a preceding British pound sterling symbol (a stylized L, transected by a short horizontal line) are represented in this transcription with a following pound symbol, l.

The half symbol (1/2) and three-quarters symbol (3/4) in the original text have been represented in this transcription with their decimal equivalent, (.5) and (.75) respectively.

Unreadable text. Places where the transcriber's copy of the original text is unreadable have been indicated in this transcription by an empty set of square brackets, [].

Chapter 7

For the sins of Achan, the Israelites are defeated at Hai. The offender is found out; and stoned to death, and God's wrath is turned from them.

[1] But the children of Israel transgressed the commandment, and took to their own use of the anathema. For Achan the son of Charmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zare of the tribe of Juda, took something of the anathema: and the Lord was angry against the children of Israel. Filii autem Israel praevaricati sunt mandatum, et usurpaverunt de anathemate. Nam Achan filius Charmi filii Zabdi filii Zare de tribu Juda tulit aliquid de anathemate : iratusque est Dominus contra filios Israel.

[2] And when Josue sent men from Jericho against Hai, which is beside Bethaven, on the east side of the town of Bethel, he said to them: Go up, and view the country: and they fulfilled his command, and viewed Hai. Cumque mitteret Josue de Jericho viros contra Hai, quae est juxta Bethaven, ad orientalem plagam oppidi Bethel, dixit eis : Ascendite, et explorate terram. Qui praecepta complentes exploraverunt Hai.

[3] And returning they said to him: Let not all the people go up, but let two or three thousand men go and destroy the city: why should all the people be troubled in vain against enemies that are very few? Et reversi dixerunt ei : Non ascendat omnis populus, sed duo vel tria millia virorum pergant, et deleant civitatem : quare omnis populus frustra vexabitur contra hostes paucissimos?

[4] There went up therefore three thousand fighting men: who immediately turned their backs, Ascenderunt ergo tria millia pugnatorum. Qui statim terga vertentes,

[5] And were defeated by the men of the city of Hai, and there fell of them six and thirty men: and the enemies pursued them from the gate as far as Sabarim, and they slew them as they fled by the descent: and the heart of the people was struck with fear, and melted like water. percussi sunt a viris urbis Hai, et corruerunt ex eis triginta sex homines : persecutique sunt eos adversarii de porta usque ad Sabarim, et ceciderunt per prona fugientes : pertimuitque cor populi, et instar aquae liquefactum est.

[6] But Josue rent his garments, and fell flat on the ground before the ark of the Lord until the evening, both he and all the ancients of Israel: and they put dust upon their heads. Josue vero scidit vestimenta sua, et pronus cecidit in terram coram arca Domini usque ad vesperam, tam ipse quam omnes senes Israel : miseruntque pulverem super capita sua,

[7] And Josue said: Alas, O Lord God, why wouldst thou bring this people over the river Jordan, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorrhite, and to destroy us? would God, we had stayed beyond the Jordan as we began. et dixit Josue : Heu Domine Deus, quid voluisti traducere populum istum Jordanem fluvium, ut traderes nos in manus Amorrhaei, et perderes? utinam ut coepimus, mansissemus trans Jordanem.

[8] My Lord God, what shall I say, seeing Israel turning their backs to their enemies? Mi Domine Deus, quid dicam, videns Israelem hostibus suis terga vertentem?

[9] The Chanaanites, and all the inhabitants of the land will hear of it, and being gathered together will surround us and cut off our name from the earth: and what wilt thou do to thy great name? Audient Chananaei, et omnes habitatores terrae, et pariter conglobati circumdabunt nos, atque delebunt nomen nostrum de terra : et quid facies magno nomini tuo?

[10] And the Lord said to Josue: Arise, why liest thou flat on the ground? Dixitque Dominus ad Josue : Surge : cur jaces pronus in terra?

[11] Israel hath sinned, and transgressed my covenant: and they have taken of the anathema, and have stolen and lied, and have hidden it among their goods. Peccavit Israel, et praevaricatus est pactum meum : tuleruntque de anathemate, et furati sunt atque mentiti, et absconderunt inter vasa sua.

[12] Neither can Israel stand before his enemies, but he shall flee from them: because he is defiled with the anathema. I will be no more with you, till you destroy him that is guilty of this wickedness. Nec poterit Israel stare ante hostes suos, eosque fugiet : quia pollutus est anathemate. Non ero ultra vobiscum, donec conteratis eum qui hujus sceleris reus est.

[13] Arise, sanctify the people, and say to them: Be ye sanctified against tomorrow: for thus saith the Lord God of Israel: The anathema is in the midst of thee, O Israel: thou canst not stand before thy enemies, till he be destroyed out of thee that is defiled with this wickedness. Surge, sanctifica populum, et dic eis : Sanctificamini in crastinum : haec enim dicit Dominus Deus Israel : Anathema in medio tui est, Israel : non poteris stare coram hostibus tuis, donec deleatur ex te qui hoc contaminatus est scelere.

[14] And you shall come in the morning every one by your tribes: and what tribe soever the lot shall find, it shall come by its kindreds and the kindred by its houses, and the house by the men. Accedetisque mane singuli per tribus vestras : et quamcumque tribum sors invenerit, accedet per cognationes suas, et cognatio per domos, domusque per viros.

[15] And whosoever he be that shall be found guilty of this fact, he shall be burnt with fire with all his substance, because he hath transgressed the covenant of the Lord, and hath done wickedness in Israel. Et quicumque ille in hoc facinore fuerit deprehensus, comburetur igni cum omni substantia sua : quoniam praevaricatus est pactum Domini, et fecit nefas in Israel.

[16] Josue, therefore, when he rose in the morning, made Israel to come by their tribes, and the tribe of Juda was found, Surgens itaque Josue mane, applicuit Israel per tribus suas, et inventa est tribus Juda.

[17] Which being brought by its families, it was found to be the family of Zare. Bringing that also by the houses, he found it to be Zabdi. Quae cum juxta familias suas esset oblata, inventa est familia Zare. Illam quoque per domos offerens, reperit Zabdi :

[18] And bringing his house man by man, he found Achan the son of Charmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zare of the tribe of Juda. cujus domum in singulos dividens viros, invenit Achan filium Charmi filii Zabdi filii Zare de tribu Juda.

[19] And Josue said to Achan: My son, give glory to the Lord God of Israel, and confess, and tell me what thou hast done, hide it not. Et ait Josue ad Achan : Fili mi, da gloriam Domino Deo Israel, et confitere, atque indica mihi quid feceris, ne abscondas.

[20] And Achan answered Josue, and said to him: Indeed I have sinned against the Lord the God of Israel, and thus and thus have I done. Responditque Achan Josue, et dixit ei : Vere ego peccavi Domino Deo Israel, et sic et sic feci.

[21] For I saw among the spoils a scarlet garment exceeding good, and two hundred sides of silver, and a golden rule of fifty sides: and I coveted them, and I took them away, and hid them in the ground is the midst of my tent, and the silver I covered with the earth that I dug up. Vidi enim inter spolia pallium coccineum valde bonum, et ducentos siclos argenti, regulamque auream quinquaginta siclorum : et concupiscens abstuli, et abscondi in terra contra medium tabernaculi mei, argentumque fossa humo operui.

[22] Josue therefore sent ministers: who running to his tent, found all hidden in the same place, together with the silver. Misit ergo Josue ministros : qui currentes ad tabernaculum illius, repererunt cuncta abscondita in eodem loco, et argentum simul.

[23] And taking them away out of the tent, they brought them to Josue, and to all the children of Israel, and threw them down before the Lord. Auferentesque de tentorio, tulerunt ea ad Josue, et ad omnes filios Israel, projeceruntque ante Dominum.

[24] Then Josue and all Israel with him took Achan the son of Zare, and the silver and the garments, and the golden rule, his sons also and his daughters, his oxen and asses and sheep, the tent also, and all the goods: and brought them to the valley of Achor: Tollens itaque Josue Achan filium Zare, argentumque et pallium, et auream regulam, filios quoque et filias ejus, boves et asinos et oves, ipsumque tabernaculum, et cunctam supellectilem ( et omnis Israel cum eo), duxerunt eos ad vallem Achor :

[25] Where Josue said: Because thou hast troubled us, the Lord trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him: and all things that were his, were consumed with fire. ubi dixit Josue : Quia turbasti nos, exturbet te Dominus in die hac. Lapidavitque eum omnis Israel : et cuncta quae illius erant, igne consumpta sunt.

[26] And they gathered together upon him a great heap of stones, which remaineth until this present day. And the wrath of the Lord was turned away from them. And the name of that place was called the Valley of Achor, until this day. Congregaveruntque super eum acervum magnum lapidum, qui permanet usque in praesentem diem. Et aversus est furor Domini ab eis. Vocatumque est nomen loci illius, vallis Achor, usque hodie.

Commentary:

Ver. 1. Children. Achan was guilty of theft: some of the rest might have connived at his fault. He had taken what was reserved for the Lord. The offender was discovered, to inspire all with a horror for his conduct. Some of his brethren were punished, (v. 5,) but they suffered for their own secret transgressions, or death might be no real punishment to them; while the Israelites were awakened to a sense of their own inability to conquer without the divine protection, and were forced to humble themselves. H. --- Chastisements are the marks of God's displeasure, though they frequently proceed also from his clemency. --- Achan is called Achar, 1 Par. ii. 7. These five persons occupy the space of 265 years; so that they must have been 50 or 55 years old, when they had children.

Ver. 2. Against Hai, to see the situation and strength of that city, which was about 10 miles west, or rather north, of Jericho. It was afterwards rebuilt, 1 Esd. ii. 28. --- Bethaven and Bethel are the same place; (S. Jerom. C.) though many distinguish them, with Cellarius. The former name means "the house of iniquity," because Jeroboam there set up a golden calf. Bethel was its former appellation, in consequence of the vision of Jacob. Gen. xxviii.

Ver. 3. Few. It appears, however, that the city contained 12,000 fighting men; so that these spies must have formed a false notion of its strength. C. viii. 25.

Ver. 5. Sabarim, which means people "broken and defeated." Sept. "they pursued them from the gate, till they had entirely broken them," destroying 36, and putting the rest to flight. C. --- This small disaster filled the whole camp with dismay, as the Lord generally caused the victories of his people to be complete, and without any loss, as long as they continued in his favour. None were found wanting of those who attacked and destroyed so many of the Madianites. Num. xxxi. 49. H.

Ver. 6. Heads. These marks of grief were very common. Achilles covered his head with ashes, tore his garments and face, when he received news of the death of his friend, Patroclus. Homer and Virgil, (xii.) speaking of Latinus, the king, says, It scissa veste Latinus---Canitiem immundo perfusam pulvere turpans.

Ver. 7. Began. Some had established themselves in the land of Galaad. M. --- Heb. "would to God we had been content, and dwelt on the other side of the Jordan." Josue speaks in this animated manner, through zeal for the glory of God, (C.) more than for any personal inconvenience. He was grieved that any one should have merited God's displeasure. He was afraid that the Chanaanites would blaspheme the great name of the Lord, v. 9.

Ver. 11. Lied. Each one, on delivering up what he had taken, made profession, at least by his behaviour, (H.) that he retained nothing. Achan did like the rest, but he kept back of the plunder. C. --- He lied, and did not comply with the promise made by all Israel, which he was bound to observe, as much as if he had made it with his own mouth.

Ver. 13. Sanctified. Prepared by washing, &c. to appear before the tabernacle, and see the event. Sept. "purify the people." Chal. "call an assembly."

Ver. 14. Find. Heb. "it shall be the tribe which the Lord taketh." H. --- This was done by lots, as on similar occasions, 1 K. x. 20. and xiv. 41. When God authorized this method, there could be no danger in it. But to have recourse to lots without such authority, would be often tempting God. The apostles chose an apostle by lot: but they had first taken every precaution (C.) to select two persons, both fit for the important charge. H. --- To commit the choice of sacred ministers to chance would be extremely improper. "We forbid the use of lots in the elections," said Honorius. C.

Ver. 18. Juda. The dignity of this tribe enhanced the fault of Achan. M.

Ver. 19. My son. Clemency is the virtue of great souls. --- Give glory. Confess candidly. Jo. ix. 24.

Ver. 21. Garment. Heb. "a robe of Sannaar, or of Babylon." This city was famous for embroidered, or painted robes, such as were worn by kings. Jonas iii. 6. Plin. viii. 48. --- Rule, or linget. No coin was yet used. C.

Ver. 24. His sons, &c. Probably conscious to, or accomplices of the crime of their father, (Ch). as he could hardly have concealed these things in the midst of his tent without their knowledge. M. --- But granting, with S. Aug. (q. 8,) that they were innocent of this crime, God, who is the sovereign arbiter of life and death, might order them out of the world, on this occasion, without injustice.

Ver. 25. Day. Hence some have drawn a very weak argument, to prove the repentance of Achan, as if he had only to undergo a temporary punishment. It is probable, however, that his sincere confession, proceeding from a penitent heart, might influence God to shew him mercy. --- Fire. Children, as well as his other effects; though some have supposed that the former were spared, as they are not here specified. Heb. seems to include them; "and burnt them with fire after they had stoned them with stones." Chaldee says they were stoned first. C.

Ver. 26. Achor. That is, trouble; (Ch). in allusion to the name of Achar, as he is called in the Sept. invariably, and in the Heb. and Vulg. in the Book of Chronicles. H. --- This heap of stones was thrown upon the ashes of the deceased, or perhaps at his person, while he was burning at the stake, as it is the custom still among the Turks. Roger. ii. 7. The king of Hai was treated in this manner. C. viii. 29. See 2 K. xviii. 17. The vale of Achor was on the road between Jerusalem and Jericho, where a small castle, at Adommim, was built to protect travellers from the insults of robbers, who infested that part. Lu. x. 30. C. xv. 7.

[thyandrawrites]

Spellbound

Title: Spellbound Fandom: Boku no hero academia / My hero academia Characters: Shinsou Hitoshi, Uraraka Ochako, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto Additional tags: alternate universe - no quirks, magical realism, alternate universe - roommates/housemates, Siren!Shinsou, 5+1 things Summary:  Contrary to popular belief, being born a siren in the XXI is just as hard as it was a few centuries ago. Not that the general opinion knows that Sirens are real. Actually, that might just be the root of all of Shinsou’s problems. Or: Five times Shinsou accidentally charmed his roommates with his Song, and the one time he did it on purpose. A/N:  based on this ask. Also, thanks again to everyone who participated in the survey about Shinsou’s favourite disney song. I took all of your contributions into account, but sadly I could only choose two. :’D Please enjoy!

i. shower

The first time Shinsou accidentally charms one of his roommates, he’s not expecting anyone to be home until much later in the day.

He’s taking his time to relax after a long and frankly shitty shift at the coffee shop; some prick had asked to see his manager for messing up his order (Shinsou hadn’t), demanded a refill on the house (he’d gotten one), but then still made Shinsou wake Mr. Aizawa from his nap to complain about “the awful service”. Shinsou could’ve dealt with an asshole on a good day. It was the genuine disappointment in Aizawa’s eyes he couldn’t bear. That disappointment, Shinsou knew, was directed at him, rather than at a nap cut short. It wasn’t like Shinsou lacked assertiveness. He just didn’t know how not to lose his temper while simultaneously standing his ground.

That is why he’s now taking extra time to massage the kinks out of his sore neck, after he’s shampooed and rinsed his long hair. Self-care is an important part of Shinsou’s routine. Possibly the only thing standing between himself and conviction for mass murder. Or between himself and a nervous breakdown, depending on his mood. Today it’s the latter, so instead he starts singing. He’s too young to start following in Mr. Aizawa’s footsteps, he thinks. Ask him again in a couple years, maybe.

The thing is, even with a capricious Voice like his, Shinsou loves singing. Particularly under the shower. He thinks it might be something about the acoustic of the small shower stall. Or maybe it’s an ancestral memory summoned by the feeling of water down his back. Either way, he doesn’t get to do it often, with his roommates always in the way, lest he accidentally charms them. Still, Shinsou isn’t that much of an asshole to complain about it. They’re broke college students. It’s not like he could even begin to explain why they need to soundproof the bathroom when they already have rent to pay. Besides, he’s sure that they would get the wrong idea about what kind of... shower activities Shinsou wants more privacy for. He feels himself die a little on the inside just at the prospect of having such a conversation with them.

Today, though, he has the apartment to himself until dinnertime. He’s gonna take full advantage of that rare opportunity and sing to his heart’s content.

Or, well. He thought he had the apartment to himself, until he exited the bathroom and saw Uraraka in the middle of the sitting room. Standing as still as a freeze-frame.

His hair keeps dripping on the towel he’s draped around his shoulders. He towels at it a little to get the worst of the wet off, keeping his eyes on her. But Uraraka doesn’t move. Actually, Shinsou is pretty sure that she’s not even noticed him.

“Shit,” he curses, when a few seconds of contemplation make it pretty obvious that she’s not going to snap out of her daze on her own. Or blink, for that matter.

As if to prove him wrong, Uraraka turns in his direction at the sound of his voice, fixing him with her blank stare. He’s a bit unnerved by the lack of recognition in her dark chocolate irises. It’s like looking into the eyes of a zombie, he thinks. A real zombie, not like those in the movies.

“Uhm, hello,” he tries, hoping to get another reaction out of her. Maybe, if he just behaves like normal, the effect of his Song will wear off on its own.

Fat chance, uh? , he muses, when she doesn’t reply. He can never expect anything in his life to go smoothly now, can he?

He drags a hand down his face. “Oh, fuck me ,” he mutters with feeling. None of this would've happened if he'd just come clean about the real reason why he needs a soundproof bathroom. But between his antisocial tendencies and that one time he’s sleepwalked to the rooftop and stayed there until Midoriya had come to find him, shivering but asleep, Shinsou can’t really give them other reasons to worry about him or his mental sanity.

A movement at the corner of his vision catches his attention. He almost lets himself hope that the Charm has worn off, but then he notices that the blankness of her stare hasn’t yet abated.

What the--

He watches as if in slow motion Uraraka slowly removing her coat, her purse, and… is her hand moving to grasp the hem of her dress?

Oh no no no this isn’t happening, that’s NOT what I meant--

“Wait!” Shinsou yelps, not proud of how shrill his voice sounds. Her hand stills immediately. Shinsou’s shoulders sag in relief. “Please snap out of it,” he says flatly.

She doesn’t, but she’s not trying to undress herself anymore at the very least. Success is in the details.

Shinsou crosses the room, stopping in front of her. He studies her face for a second, trying to come up with a solution to the unexpected woe that has befallen him during his perfect friday evening. He tries repeating the order in a few other languages, not really expecting it to work. He's still disappointed when it doesn't.

“Of course it can’t be that easy,” he grouches out loud.

At times like this, Shinsou really wishes he was more in touch with his Voice. He could really use not having to call his dad for advice on how to break a Charm, and he could spare himself the embarrassment. Most Sirens his age already have their Voice under control. But he's always hated his and the curse it brought with it, so he'd never really practiced it long enough to tame it; let alone getting acquainted with it enough to know its subtle tells, or when it was being a pain in the ass just to mess with him.

‘The first thing to know about your Voice is that it has a mind of its own. It doesn’t do what it doesn’t wanna do,’ his father had told him. ‘There’s no clear-cut way to learn how to control it. So you can’t expect what worked for another Siren to work the same way for you, son.'

The other thing about his Voice, Shinsou privately thinks, is that it’s an asshole. It’s just his luck to have inherited one the most capricious, stubborn magical entities his family had hosted in generations.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and tries a couple more orders aloud. None of them have the desired effect.

Uraraka's unblinking eyes are starting to become really red.

Should I get creative, too?

"Abracadabra," Shinsou deadpans. "Sim sala bim." Nothing happens. "Mischief managed." Still nothing.

Oh, for the love of--

Exasperated, he grasps Uraraka's shoulders and gives her a little shake, muttering a call of her name.

Uraraka blinks. Color slowly turns to her cheeks, and her eyes lose their opacity.

Shinsou doesn't have the time to marvel at the fact that physical contact of all things worked after everything he’s tried, because then Uraraka's staring at him again, this time in obvious surprise. "Oh, hello, Shinsou. Didn't see you sneak up on me." She laughs nervously. "I must've zoned out for a second."

Shinsou lets go of her at once as though he was stung. No shit.

"Sorry," he mumbles for more reasons than one, his hand raising to scratch at his neck. "I saw you were a little out of it and wanted to check on you," he explains. It's not a whole lie, at least. Uraraka still looks bemused, but that's better than blank, Shinsou supposes. He quickly deflects. "How come you're back so early? Didn't you have class until 7 pm today?"

The topic change does the trick, and she's suddenly back to her usual bubbly self: "Class got cancelled!" she replies around a grin, sounding entirely thrilled by the news. "Which means... Movie night!" she announces, pumping a fist in the air.

Shinsou swallows the groan that threatens to surface at the declaration. Goodbye to his peaceful, quiet, perfect friday evening.

Well. He at least owes her that much.

[Keep reading on Ao3]

[libidomechanica]

Is ample warrant thought, if Sovereign Yoke

A tricube sequence

               I

Kiss and why he rest on the day spending

airs they wither’d in evening. Is

ample warrant thought, if Sovereign Yoke.

               II

Still. At fourteen I married Lamia

judg’d, and Mankind. The imprisoned

not holds a straight line fallen in vain!

               III

To Company belovèd alike?

Into a fine thy brow; and leader

of thee in the evil tongue be still.

               IV

You can’t seen of its earnest to say

thy monumental Brass: high and praise;

now pray we for Women, Paine doth grow?

               V

An’ it winna let a body be.

Is safer: out upon his eye discern

the heate so great lords are forests.

               VI

Not, nor no less age. Teach you bout the

Breach wounded old dreaming is too late

cars which he the lawful Government.

               VII

Of these the People give rewards before

incense rare. Today when have once

to the secret tears; yet not a Slaves.

               VIII

To admonitions Vows deny’d, not

from its neighbour’d to breed another

way. Was used to think to the gods in?

               IX

His Crime. Tis better smile? Proud Egypt

would Curb my Spirits that dandled your

swear the slabbed steps with such a Cause?

               X

The modest virgin purest scented

with mankinds Delight away. I’d

say This faulding in postering me.

               XI

I’m o’er young, I’m feared ye’d spoiled for. View

their eye and loose Carriers his Wit.

Since the publick Liberty began.

               XII

Grows controlled with being this short the

summer heart of your more perhaps his

perversely our body be. And sleep.

               XIII

And, if to shew my love nor her worse

essays prove. The flood I drink up the

scorn with the terrace—all and erasèd.

               XIV

A beauty up, leaving gentle sported;

thought holes. You might that Lycius

charioteer and hail once i am bleed.

               XV

His Love of tyrannie? With oaths, fair works

did Nature made Obnoxious to buoy

the wrinkling popularly Mad?

               XVI

While I love you, I engraue in my veins.

Silent; but descending Clyde therefore

did the million’d of alabaster.

               XVII

A man and wisely Joyn, the not do

they had obey’d an Idoll Monarchy.

To leave met her sigh’d, or belief.

               XVIII

And I believe it. Then laws were friendship

False, false to forsake the air is

full; by all thy revenge did mercy!

               XIX

All the forever wauks. Softly, Grace;

yet each unbounded the neck was rosed

with dew. Which, snatcht in Masquerade.

               XX

Thy teares a hope to flow. Yet I

shoulders bare of all one, ever, when

our only live in deathful fancy.

               XXI

While gazing on, till with relief undoes

yours, it is to breaks with Maiesty.

Had it a little bent upon me.

               XXII

Mothers throughout hope, life, and the

Government it sounded too little for

me. Ever show, who, moving her teeth.

               XXIII

And dark, has exercis’d the page—the

end is prey. And what could sooner fight;

tis Apollo when two or thou art!

               XXIV

A Church and light? They turned each me thy

beauty walks this way to say, mine distant

electron waits his eyes sent too.

               XXV

Limbs: he rolls of that hides always does.

Some want to say, Remember being

a cockney ear. With a sweet fingers.

               XXVI

Might seems, to take it Sir, ’ and pointing

shame! But Ida with round her Ground: they

glared upon their Humour of basalt.

               XXVII

My wealth, and sweet flower, or to survive.

Our enemies have don’t know somewhere

she smiling over Civil Wars.

               XXVIII

Then some other us. Kind Husbands

and pray. All night, and rashly judge his

Cellars, and wayward against my part.

               XXIX

Thought to get marry yet; I’m o’er the

punch. Whatever young to drop equals

the brave as all above her towers.

               XXX

Till his harlotte Street, Home, Euclid,

Decatur, Union, Straubs, Rebecca, Bennett

Ave. Of Lethe noise overhead.

               XXXI

When Kings. Hers burn clear sprite, disdains my

Mothers fall eat thy helpless was, but

when thou might be freër under so!

               XXXII

Palatine mulciber’s core: not these

for me. I sat in sigh; and Peals of

metal, those two at her father’s day?

               XXXIII

And led a hundred maybe, blacke seem’d

of Summer in the grueling watch and

such soothe my essence, the pestilence!

               XXXIV

And now we reached at th’ unequal

Fates, and tired. The need to attend

a temper of all of us.

               XXXV

Only wedding fears, I am going

about. One day you went them up,

gotten, and drags me deaf and your Reign?

               XXXVI

Directly in another he wondrous

mountain- side, with love. Native course

untrimm’d; and as they rightfully sing?

               XXXVII

You wert not at all it a fear and

hospitality. Cold words and hid

and thy mother’d at dew so sweet babes?

               XXXVIII

When e’r their Brains his golden chaine there

is the lord, whose two are only,

carefully? Once would free and past a shades.

               XXXIX

Royalty the place. Some lucky

Revolution, sent in the drops of your

glory is thing. On the Cherries me.

               XL

Down in the Wise. The golden pomp is

companied with such a kiss&hands, from

his books anointed dar’d, when he sang.

               XLI

When Goethe has died of euerie image which

to its breast too much burning, and traps

of me, which may not how far awa.

               XLII

No eye where she meek came with the sea.

To truth askance and I, in more clear.

And by the tempers a thousand doat.

               XLIII

The quaystones you keep her leafy

locks of books so he burning, happy

Love! If thou art a schoolmaster out?

               XLIV

But now for Blinds! And nurse, to walk … if

simply as the chickens, hoeing yams,

call Jebusites your life design’d.

               XLV

And now, the made. They said with delight,

who wore the soft and pale with

melancholy understanding across me.

               XLVI

Sighs, and the Duchess’ cheeks alightings

brings with what will he found, and then did

ride, so weeping an hour: come to me.

               XLVII

Let go. It’s no the time sheep and wear

thy dear to year forgot; cool waves might

I not lie open shouts of this grow?

               XLVIII

But Common Teutonic shade. Which the

Day, misguide with my signet are mingle

self as filchers mingled, while faint!

               XLIX

Some this Disease in both one deep chamber

her breast, my friend and note, and the

full of the Wise. The vi’lets spring?

               L

His clumsy hold; and Turbulent of

his and past a shadows dire. In

simmer, sir; and wide, sam slips will be!

               LI

Oh that wasn’t it. Oh that your eyes of

a Democrat, autocrat— one who

once she will was hot, and Paradise.

               LII

Tree and ask thus. To kiss than to

advancing, lustful, secret flower, on

a descend, no True Successors Reign?

               LIII

Yes; and hour in each a we-see poem.

And due to live in dear soul of

the Record, by that which gifts, unknown?

               LIV

To thy longings to hastens on things,

tan sacred Prophets rage: the People

of Dung. It will tak me eerie, sir.

               LV

Doubt there wet with no knowable

envelope, within, applying underfoot.

Knelt on one, bend&curve against you.

               LVI

And it has ears to plaintive moan, I

mournful gloomy Winter, if her liue.

Oh lift my ain death do, if they brim.

               LVII

When to Sin our neighbour parts maimed, I

am that to mow: and as the princes

Son. Of ashes all of the heath!

               LVIII

What Standard is there. For though stress, with

brighter; and he whose cureless Lump,

like the mind prints his eyes in small hand.

               LIX

And blear-eyed fly to the slender shook

the punch. Slow- stepp’d, yet doth grace, like a

stone, or not beauty’s field nods its head?

               LX

I sweare he cannot be the toes. Despair,

half-lapt in glowing to thy teares

expresses high degree, whom King?

               LXI

Round, round the most fervent and Prophets

Sons of this face. With Oaths affirm’d, with

his Feet. The first crack open before.

               LXII

Into a shadow, like bowls If you

said fair Scotia hame and lay the Sage

bed! Sweet babe yet in heart’s core: no more.

               LXIII

The banners that mind advance aside.

Yet she will belief undoes you and

I rose in me. In acrylic fur.

               LXIV

Made old Enthusiastick breed of each

into traffic. And all her sake; but

stay, in true old Enthusiastick breed.

               LXV

When I am calling, that all. When

I was afraid lest she were the whispered

lowly mind without here, I say?

               LXVI

Round, each unbounded, issuing

ordinary wife, the corner strange and

justifi’d the fingers light shower.

               LXVII

If thou return. In day and thrice o’er

there in the royal right moon on my

breathe upon a thronelet, the bays.

               LXVIII

They still were born to virgin mantle,

and peace, then. Who nere confined doors to

bear unless wilds; her eternal life?

               LXIX

Body join’d experience too; so

much burning, our body be. And in

extremes decry’d; with her golden breast.

               LXX

In vain? Me, whose part as their moon-faced

in perfect strain her feet of sea and

all Breast, my free from thy dewy down.

               LXXI

Fair Hermes prick their own. If thou return

that’s far remote, still swollen shuns

the dust to thine Image through my hate.

               LXXII

I saw, and to-day, he’ll let me known.

And mantle in the Yellow Autumn,

dropping of fresh and why is it man.

               LXXIII

With cold Cause receives his fear, that roars

before, that shin’st thou art. The Southern

sky; thy tears The lone Eternity.

               LXXIV

And rumour of ice exchange the way,

the table ash or the warm on

amorous was a Fool. Beyond his wont.

               LXXV

By some gentle as freedom or reason

at all to the thou art thou, when

Hells dire. We face the couering death.

               LXXVI

Vista of year forgotten loose

Carriers his Estate; where, please. I said

fra Pandolf’s hands so lately take you.

               LXXVII

Let go. That their face, the turned half-shut

feathers in such the command; to your

Sacred Property were all possessed.

               LXXVIII

And, replies: the sober part of fitful

dreams of thee die! Ceased Course, to leave.

At once, some quiet in any room.

               LXXIX

Waits with me. That fond will the bone. And

even now in port of Europe’s

latter down, and last year’s lease you made.

               LXXX

Since I have been fitted in a blasting

swift of the needs must never dye,

love you ended bosoms fits! Tonight?

               LXXXI

It surely die. Now on the prey to

the State, as them up: she saw the grasses

pricking thy worth but she shoots will.

               LXXXII

Over thro’ the spoke, and the mind, and

ask the rivers, stay! The cloudy rack,

south-westward to turn the Jebusite.

               LXXXIII

In this horse louder gale hand die a

meteor, and there we will soothe my

essence? Yet I sense is due at all.

               LXXXIV

Thus truly fair weathers, flutter from

car to me! Rush hour, I shall forward

the arms to holds a pane of us.

               LXXXV

Harsh and prunes. They, sunlight euen thou want

to a cause it’s like an unresist

not bring? Ran the glory of a worse.

               LXXXVI

My wrong, to the Noble still front it

so. Since saucy jacket as you stop

posterity, which, coupling Despair.

               LXXXVII

The Jews Rebell. And other Errors

that nest and put the date of his

cruelties of our immortality.

               LXXXVIII

In me nothing here, to be too near

pool, where awake! Singing couldn’t be some

dull and each other till weary lust?

               LXXXIX

Loyalty? That was it that that his

Goodness growes one was, transform the

dear to some vial; treasure shadows.

               XC

Nor his own, and briefly the tide: an

universal influence of my

Plot. Of shrieked the backward by the pure?

               XCI

And my jewel. The solitude, to spoil

his eye plunged down son, to nurse, to two

or the stool, she, whose tears in the vale?

               XCII

I gave our new hands, now set a wrath

shalt find your palaces where those tallest

hope, of love. In the cold woman.

               XCIII

I miss him raised, and when in thee it

is to kill instead of this blest: heaven!

Self-involved; but with oxygen.

               XCIV

It not; she young, ’twad be a signifies

me giddy, makes my wings, tho’ poor

rhyme. Her thrown into absent night holes.

               XCV

Eyes, was call’d from the Mighty Years, of

spices the plain, swoon’d, tis time, O passion

ev’rywhere. Amid mats of mine?

               XCVI

From the elevator i crouched at

the Jews Rebell. And some wander shade.

The bay crown’d wi’ plunder; and which words.

               XCVII

For human sideways, as free in sunny

mead and rashly judge a Cause. And

you inside your lips with endless praise.

               XCVIII

For your selves as stone here thou bring a

silver snow carefully? The will fall

that hope, of gratified thirsts appear!

               XCIX

Where they steps, and due to languish drear,

hot, glaz’d, and clouds, as long, up in my

rhyme. Then, whether did most most my way.

               C

Israel was declar’d when Nature’s gently

swannish music. Whose Oath to walk

… if simple grew lucent electrons.

               CI

A beauty being as I contemns

poverty?: Out spake: when fire they by

my poor solitudes, that to flow.

[theprovinggrounds-blog]

Proving Grounds XXI Social

Good people of Eorzea! The call of the arena is ringing out once again to call the land’s greatest combatants together in search of a Rosewood Dagger and a step towards claiming the title of Proving Ground’s Champion! The fighter selection ceremony is always a hotbed for sparking tensions that light the fires of passion at the Proving Grounds Social. The flames burn their brightest on the sands, but it’s the Social that stokes the fire into that beautiful pillar of flame, so don’t miss out!

But before we get into the next bout of bloody glory, we must first see which brave fighters will take the challenge upon the sands for fame and fortune! So come join us  on ((March 9, at 8 PM EST, 5 PM PST)) at The Haughty Mason ((16/30 in Lavender Beds)) for the Proving Grounds Social! Watch the ego’s flare and tempers boil over as the scent of unchecked ambitions and bloodlust fill the air during the fighter selection ceremony! Don’t miss out!

[instituteofgeorgianhistory]

Confessional Issues of NATO’s Eastern Enlargement: Search for a Common Saint

Tedo Dundua

Emil Avdaliani

Bulgaria and Romania, West and Northwest parts of the Black Sea shores, are NATO members. Both joined the organization in 2004. It is now time for Ukraine and Georgia, the rest of the Black Sea, to join the alliance.

NATO member states are characterized by identical values such as democracy, regional and global security, environ protection etc. Similar values are present in NATO-aspirant states (Ukraine and Georgia) too.

The NATO alliance is a military alliance interested in establishing Eurasian security. A closer look at the map of NATO’s Eastward expansion, however, shows that the alliance essentially grows mostly where the confessionally Orthodox Christian states are located. Turkey being a notable exception, NATO member states are predominantly Christian where Protestant, Catholic and Orthodox versions of the same religion do exist.

Still, there is a common confessional fundament between the Western and Eastern parts of Europe exemplified in the third or fourth pope of the Rome. Pope Clement was banished to Crimea (modern Ukraine) where martyred, while his disciples spread Christianity in Western Georgia.

Below is the story of Clement, the pope whose life could serve as a common ground for the cooperation between Western and Eastern parts of Europe with the NATO alliance serving as a driving force.

“He assembled the whole province by preaching; everyone coming to Clement was converted to his doctrine about the Lord; more than 500 persons used to be baptized by him daily and then – dismissed. 75 churches were built there in one year by the true faith, and all the idols – destructed, all the temples in neighboring regions – demolished, 300 miles around everything being destroyed and leveled due to his permanent work” (Martyrium S. Clementis. XXII. Patrologiae Graecae Tomus II. Paris. 1886, p. 630).

This aggressive and obviously exaggerated proselytism is an “apocryphal” deed of either the third, or the fourth bishop of Rome (the Pope), Clement (92-101). Indeed, this is an amalgam from apocryphal Greek acts of martyrdom, dated by the 4th c. Clement was banished from Rome to Chersonesus (Crimea) by Emperor Trajan (98-117) and set to work in a stone quarry. Still, he managed to go on with his Christian propaganda (Martyrium S. Clementis, pp. 627-630).

Clement could really inspire a creation of Christian organizations in those regions. But nobody could have ever believed the story about destruction of the idols and the temples in the 1st c. A.D. And under whose protection and by whose money could be those churches built?! So, the whole story is to be believed only partly. Then, what is about 300 miles (Roman mile is equal to approximately 1480 m.) mentioned there?! If it is true, then Pitius, city in Colchis/Lazica (Western Georgia), and its outskirts fall within this range. Still, there is a major problem to be solved for Clement – was he in Crimea, or is this again a fiction? The narrative of his martyrdom in Crimea is not older than the 4th c. (Trajan orders Clement to be thrown into the sea with an iron anchor attached). Even Eusebius writes nothing alike (Ph. Schaff. History of the Christian Church. Vol. II: Anti-Nicene Christianity. A.D. 100-325. First Published 1882. Third Edition, Revised. http://www.ccel.org/ccel/schaff/hcc2.html, pp. 399-405; Clement of Rome. The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church. Edited by F. L. Cross. Third Edition Edited by E. A. Livingstone. Oxford University Press. 1997, p. 360; Eusebius. HE. III. IV. 6-11, III. XI. XV, III. XX. XXI, III. XXXVII. XXXVIII, Eusebius. The Ecclesiastic History. With an English Translation by K. Lake. In Two Volumes. I. London: W. Heinemann, New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons. MCMXXVI, pp. 197, 233, 235, 241, 289). But the lack of tradition that he was buried in Rome is in favor of him having died in exile (Ch. G. Herbermann. Pope St. Clement I. The Catholic Encyclopedia. Volume 4: Clandestinity-Diocesan Chancery. New York. 1913, p. 36).

Mikhail Sabinin (М. Сабинин. Полные жизнеописания святых грузинской церкви. В 2-х частях. СПб. 1871. Ч. 1, pp. 33-34. http://krotov.in­fo/libr_mi­n/18_s/a­b/in­in_01.htm) and Mikhail Tamarashvili (M. Tamarashvili. The Georgian Church from the Beginning to the Present Time (in Georg.). Materials and Researches. 3. Tbilisi. 1995, pp. 189-190) thought of Clement’s converts working hard in Colchis/Lazica for the faith, both of them having in mind the proximity of Northern and Eastern Black Sea coasts, and not these 300 miles mentioned in the narrative. It is highly likely that the note about the exact distance is not to be ignored.

Thus, apocryphal acts of the martyrdom show Clement’s large-scale missionary labor and his life proves the possibility of cooperation between the Western and Eastern parts of Europe.

[occasionalfics]

The Arrow and the Flame, xxi

part xx

Summary: Yondu’s ready to do what he’s always been meant to do. Are you?

A/N: Sorry this took a bit to get up. I’m trying not to flood the tag, so I might stagger the posts a bit. Doesn’t seem fair to take up all the space, I think.

Tags: @thewildomega @pitrymcbride @fandommemporiumm @grippleback-galaxy

Words: 3,176

~~~

You spent the night before he left in the alcove. It felt right to bring all the blankets you could carry to the third deck the ship, to the place you first really fell in love with him. Most of the night was quiet. Even sex was relatively quiet. Everything tasted bittersweet, but that only added to the sensations of his body against yours.

When you woke in the morning, you refused to move before him. The longer he slept in, the longer he’d stay. You watched him sleep, breathe, and just...be alive. With you. Your body was stiff from overuse and from sleeping on a pretty hard ground, but you were focused on Yondu.

You didn’t know if your mark made you as sad as you were, or if it was normal. The only people that had left you so far were your mother - who you had a rusty relationship with anyway - and Reyus, and they weren’t your soulmate. They weren’t the one person in the universe you were made for. Yeah, you’d hated seeing them leaving, but this was something else all together. This was Yondu taking on new responsibilities and you wanting to be proud of that, but being more sad and fearful than anything else. This was telling yourself to trust in your bond, in your marks, but never really knowing how to put all of your faith into those things.

For so long, no one had believed the mark meant anything. Now you were sure it did, and that you’d found its meaning on your own, and it was leaving. You sighed against his chest and told yourself that he wasn’t leaving. He’d be around for the Alliance meetings. His ship would follow the Arcturian often, especially as it pulled into ports. You’d see him, you’d be with him. You’d talk over halo pad comms if you had to. It would be hard, but eventually the pain of him leaving would fade and you’d create a new normal.

You stopped thinking when you felt his hand move across your back. Your heart picked up its pace as you watched his face scrunch and relax. Your head screamed NO! GO BACK TO SLEEP! STAY! but you said nothing. You stared as his eyes opened, as he sighed, and he brought a hand to his face to wipe his eyes.

“Mornin’ Darlin’,” he said. He dropped his hand back to your waist and looked down at you. “How long you been up?”

You shrugged. “Not long, I think,” you said, trying to snuggle closer to him. You’d miss his warmth every night. The large bed on the second deck you’d built together seemed too big, too cold without him.

“You just been watchin’ me the whole time?” he asked.

You nodded. “I can’t help it,” you said.

He smiled and leaned forward to kiss you. You’d miss that - random kisses whenever he liked what you said. You’d miss his fingers along your neck, in your hair, inside of you. You’d miss it all. But not for long, you reminded yourself. Never for too long.

“I know I’m as pretty as’n angel, Darlin’. You ain’t gotta tell me,” he said with a satisfied smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes and tried to smile. But you knew something was off about your expression by the way he reacted - his smile faded, as did a bit of the light in his eyes. You wanted it back. That light was the one thing that was going to get you through that day and into the next. So you tried to force another smile, a bigger one, but it must’ve been just as confused because he sighed and kissed your forehead.

“Please don’ be sad today,” he said. “I can’t leave if yer sad.”

You shut your eyes and put your forehead against his collarbone. “I’m so proud of you, Yondu. I am. I’m elated that you’re getting all of these great things, things you deserve.”

He waited, but you said nothing more. “There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” he said, urging you to continue.

You opened your eyes again but didn’t move your head. It was easier not to look him in the eyes as you spoke your mind that morning. “But you’re leaving. I know we’ve made promises and plans, but this is it. Once you’re gone, we won’t live on the same ship again. We’ll have separate lives and we’ll only share the same bed once in awhile instead of every damn night and-”

“Do you not want me to leave?” he asked.

This time you did look at him. You needed to see what his expression was.

His brows were furrowed, his mouth in a frown, his eyes so dull and lifeless he almost looked asleep still. You put your hand on his cheek, knowing he had to go. You didn’t know how much you believed in destinies beyond your mark and what it promised, but it seemed his destiny was to be his own Captain. He wanted it so badly, you could feel it in your gut.

“I want you to do what you’re meant to do,” you said. “I just hate that it means we’ll be apart.”

He tightened his hold on you, and you felt that calming sensation of being one person again. If you were one person, however, you wouldn’t have to deal with the searing pain of him walking off the Arcturian ship. You reminded yourself to breathe and reciprocate his hold on you, to assure him that you wanted what’s best for him.

“I keep tellin’ you we’re gonna make it,” he whispered to you. “We gotta make it. If we can’t no one else has a chance!”

You laughed together, but it was short lived. You still had to get up, get dressed, have breakfast, and attend the promotional ceremony - Yondu’s second in his time as a Ravager. He’d be the first Ravager to ever have two promotion ceremonies, and when you thought about that, you couldn’t help but smile.

“See?” he asked, even though he was unable to read your mind. “I know it ain’t gonna be easy. But Darlin’, it’s gonna be so worth it.”

You nodded. “Of course it is, Captain Udonta,” you said, then bit your lip and cocked one eyebrow.

He smirked at you again and said, “I like the way that sounds outta you,” before crashing his lips against yours.

That time, you didn’t think about how much you’d miss the crashing. It was fine, you told yourself again. You’d find time to be with him soon. You needed to smile and let him go for his own good.

When you pulled away, you tapped his chest a few times before sighing. “Well, Captain, it’s time we get the day going. And I’m very hungry.” As if on cue, your stomach rumbled.

He laughed gently and nodded, and the two of you got up to get dressed. You’d brought a duffle bag with a change of clothes for the both of you, so you didn’t even need to leave the alcove to get ready. You packed away your clothes from the night before and folded the blankets, leaving everything in the corner. You’d be back later to clear the room.

Breakfast was quiet, even with Kraglin and Martinex sitting with you. Though, to be fair, breakfast was normally the quietest meal of the day. People were normally tired and overworked, and now many of them were getting ready to leave. Yondu had put together a good team to start out with over the last few weeks, you thought.

Everyone was called to the bridge after breakfast. The same dias your father had stood on to address Yondu and his people when they’d first come aboard was set up in its spot. All of the same people stood on the dias - all twelve captains and their First Mates had shown up within the last twenty minutes. You stood beside Martinex, across the stage from Reyus, and behind your parents.

As usual, your father addressed the assembly.

“Today, we make history,” he said. “An Officer will become a Captain through two promotion ceremonies.”

You realized your mother hadn’t been given this ceremony, but she didn’t need one. Her exit had been loud enough throughout the Alliance, and she’d already been Captain in her own mind. She didn’t need the flash to prove it. Yondu, on the other hand, deserved the pomp and circumstance.

Speaking of, Yondu breezed past you to stand beside your father. You caught a whiff of his scent - sweat and leather and you - and couldn’t suppress a smile. Martinex elbowed you gently, smirking as your father went on.

“Officer Udonta, do you swear to uphold the values and laws of the Alliance from today through the end of your life?” your father asked.

Yondu nodded. “I swear.”

You watched your father smile wider. It warmed your heart to know he was as proud of Yondu as you were.

“Do you so swear to earn your place at the table? For the right to have the Ravager colors flown upon your entrance into the next world?” he asked.

“I swear,” Yondu said, standing taller in his boots.

“Do you swear to put the needs of the Alliance first under any circumstances, and to seek guidance and assistance from your fellow Alliance Captains, should you so need it?”

“I swear,” he said, his crest glowing for a split second. The room gasped collectively at that - even the other Centaurians.

Your father turned around, and your mother handed him a long piece of leather. He turned back to Yondu, held it up, and handed it over. “Then by the power given to me by the Alliance, I pronounce you Captain Yondu Udonta,” he said.

Yondu took the leather, his smile larger than you’d ever seen. He shrugged out of his shorter jacket, let it fall to the ground, and slid into the new, long duster. It was a dark maroon color, with too many pockets to count and a fur collar. The best part was the large Alliance emblem - the flames that matched your part of the mark - pinned to the right lapel.

He rose his hands and faced the crowd, and you watched as they erupted in cheers and congratulations. You clapped wildly, losing yourself for a moment as you left your spot next to Martinex. Things seemed to move in slow motion then, as the whole room looked on as you came around Yondu and threw your arms around his neck and your legs around his hips. It didn’t seem to matter that you’d broken procedure, as he smiled at you, laughed, and wrapped you up in his newly clad arms.

You threw your weight into him, and he nearly fell backwards, but caught himself just in time. You laughed with him before you kissed him, more proud than scared or lonely than you’d felt in months. It was a relief, knowing that you could feel happy again.

You kept kissing him for a few minutes, massaging his tongue with yours, until your father tapped on your arm. You looked at him, nodded, and felt a deep blush rush into your face as you dislodged from Yondu. He didn’t let go of one of your hands, so you followed him off the stage and into the crowd, where people stopped him every few feet to shake his free hand or congratulate him on making Ravager history.

No one mentioned that he was the first Centaurian Alliance captain, but he didn’t mind. Or he didn’t notice. You did. You’d have to make a point of it later, to remind him how special he really was.

It was customary for the Alliance to hold a meeting upon the introduction of a new captain, so all thirteen captains and their First Mates and Advisors made their way to the third deck. You stuck close to Yondu, as did Kraglin, now that he was First Mate. The conference room by the cockpit was full of bodies, heat, and noise, but everyone was happy.

“So Captain,” you said, turning to Yondu. “How does it feel, to know all of these people are here to celebrate you?”

His smile was infectious, crooked and gorgeous if you had any say. And you did.

“Feels better knowin’ you gotta call me Captain the rest’a our days,” he said, biting hard into his bottom lip.

You rose your eyebrows in a quick arch, then settled against the table with him in front of you. Kraglin stood between the two of you, his blue eyes alive in the crowded room.

“And you,” you said, reaching out to force him into a hug. “First Mate! Must feel better than Weapons Apprentice.”

You let him go before he said, “Wouldn’ know yet.”

Suddenly, your mother was pushing her way between Kraglin and Yondu. She had a glass in her hand full of a deep red liquid and an unusual smile on her face. “Congratulations, Yondu,” she said. You almost envied her, knowing Yondu was now her equal. “Your ascent was speedy, but from what I hear, well deserved.” She held her hand out to him.

He shook her hand and nodded. “Thank you, Aleta,” he said. “Jus’ hope I can make y’all proud.”

She threw long dark locks over one of her shoulders. “I’m sure you will,” she said before nodding at you and leaving. Reyus took her place.

You threw yourself at them, glad they had the reflexes to catch you. “I missed you so much!” you said as you swung a bit.

They laughed and held onto you. “It hasn’t been that long since I was here last,” they said.

“I know, but you’re always busy when you’re around, and we never stop at the same ports,” you said, letting go of them gently.

“Yeah,” they said. “Aleta’s not big on being around Stakar if she can help it.” They scratched the back of their neck, and you noticed a braided and beaded lock of hair that hadn’t been there before. “I guess it’s been a while since we all hung out.”

“Too long,” Kraglin said, bumping elbows with them. “How’s First Mate life treatin’ ya?” he asked.

“It’s good,” Reyus answered. “I’ve learned how to fly a ship, and I’m pretty sure Aleta wants me to be her successor, so no big deal or anything.” They waved you off dramatically and rolled their eyes, to which you laughed.

“I’m so proud of you all,” you said, looking from one of your friends to the next. “Y’all’ve outgrown me, but I’m proud of you.”

Kraglin shook his head. “There’s no outgrowin’ you, (Y/N),” he said.

“Yeah,” Reyus said. “You’re like...the glue of the Arcturian faction. None of us would be where we are without you.”

Yondu nodded. “I definitely wouldn’,” he said, running his thumb over your mark.

You waited for the warm, fresh, wonderful feeling passed before sighing at them. “How is it that I’m the natural-born Ravager, and the three of you have outranked me?” you asked with a hint of a joke in your tone.

Reyus shrugged. “We worked harder than you,” they said, smirking all the while.

You all laughed, but you nodded and said, “Fair enough.”

The party went on like that for a while. You stuck yourself between your friends - all of whom had to leave you at the end of the day. You were grateful you’d started to trust Martinex, because he and your father were all you had left on the Arcturian faction. You wondered why you were staying, why being Captain meant so much to you, but decided you’d deal with that later. For the time being, you celebrated the love of your life with the people that meant the most to you.

And then it was time for Yondu and Kraglin to go. Their ship - a hunker called Elector by its previous owner - was docked alongside the Arcturian. The ships were almost the same size, to be honest, but the Elector looked dirtier, older, more...like a Ravager ship. It needed work, but Yondu was willing to put in the time. He wouldn’t have agreed to purchase the ship if he wasn’t.

The party made their way down to the bridge, then slowly to the loading docks. Captain Charlie clapped Yondu on the shoulder, then gave him the Ravager salute. You stood behind him as the other Captains did, and their First Mates and crews as well. Everyone tapped their chests in time for Yondu, who was on the verge of tears by the time you made it out of the crowd. He told his crew to go ahead to the Elector before him.

Kraglin was second to last to leave. He stopped by you, hugged you tight, and promised to take care of Yondu.

“Thank you,” you whispered to him. “I know you’re gonna be great, Krags. Make him proud.”

He nodded as he stepped back, gave you a heartwarming smile, then headed down the docks to the assigned airlock.

You turned to Yondu and sighed, smiling still. You could do that now, you found. It was easier than it had been that morning, and you were grateful for that. He slowly wrapped you up with his body. You put your hands on his face, trying to remember every inch of him by touch. He was still smiling at you, a newfound life in his eyes that made you sigh.

“I’ll see you real soon, Darlin’,” he said.

You nodded and pulled his face to yours, hoping to leave your taste in his mouth. Anything for him to remember you by. When he pulled back, you said, “I love you, Captain.”

He chuckled, and his chest vibrated against yours. “Stars, I love you,” he said. He removed an arm from you, which you immediately wanted back, and reached into a pocket along his pants. He pulled out a small, fat baby with blue hair. “I found one’a them Trolls at that noodle place you like so much.”

Your jaw dropped as you took the toy. Its beady black eyes stared up at you, it’s small red smile almost unnerving. But you loved it anyway. It had blue hair, and it was a token to keep him close. “I love it,” you whispered.

“Good,” he said. “The lil’ orange one’s goin’ on my console.” His smile spread before he kissed you again.

You pulled back this time. “I love you,” you repeated. “It’s time.”

He held your gaze for a moment, then nodded. “I’ll be thinkin’a you all the time.”

“Me too,” you said.

Slowly, his hands fell from your frame. He sighed as you turned, then he went around you toward his new ship. His new crew. His new life. He stopped at the airlock door, looked at you, and waved.

You brought the Troll to your lips, then waved back, and he was gone.